Motherhood, mayhem, and mirth

Back to the grind

2009-03-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

I've gone back to work. Yes, you read that correctly. Bet you can guess when I started... simply go back to my last post and you'll see how much time I've been back to work! (Since October!)

I feel very lucky because I was hired as a virtual public relations consultant and work from home. After being out of the working world for nearly 7 years, breaking back in felt daunting, especially considering the internet marketing boom that had happened while I was home with kids. But I've adapted, so has my family. I'm still getting used to not being as scheduled as I was before, but I certainly appreciate having a paying job during our current economic status.

I'm making time to blog again. So come back soon to see what we have been up to!

Fun! iPod Meme

2008-11-12T09:42:00.000-08:00

I stole this from Tommie over at Tuesday Update! Looked like fun so I just had to try. Thirteen things my iPod (using shuffle mode) says about me:

1. What would best describe your personality? Seasons of Love – Rent Soundtrack

2. What do you like in a guy/girl? Without your love- Aaron Tippon

3. What is your life’s purpose? Shine- Collective Soul

4. What do your friends think of you? Getcha Groove on- Limp Bizkit

5. What is your life story? Love in Itself- Depeche Mode

6. What do you think when you see the person you like? Master and Servant- Depeche Mode (this answer is way too funny!!!)

7. What do your parents think of you? Carrying your Love with Me- George Straight

8. What will you dance to at your wedding? Don’t Cry- Guns n Roses (hahaha)

9. What will they play at your funeral? Feed Jake- Pirates of the Mississippi (This one is weird because the chorus is “If I die before I wake, feed Jake.”)

10. What is your hobby/interest? I am the Bullgod- Kid Rock

t11. What is your biggest secret? Western Skies- Chris LeDoux

12. What should you post this as? I Can’t Take my Eyes off of You- High School Musical

13. What do you think of yourself? Old Paint- Chris LeDoux

I had so much fun doing this one. I kept giggling, especially after the Master and Servant song popped up! I hope you play, too.

Who doesn't love Halloween?

2008-11-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

Our kitty and unicorn ready for a little trick or treating!

Our unicorn, post trick or treating... do not let go of the bag!

Not a good sign.

2008-09-30T20:23:00.000-07:00

Mike's calendar. I guess he's a bit behind the times...

Not really that surprising.

2008-09-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday night we had Mike's BF, Sean, and his kids over for dinner. The guys took over the kitchen and made a very memorable meal. The guys decided to have garlic bread and I was expressly sent as far away from the oven as possible. If you have ever been to my house for dinner, you know I ALWAYS burn the bread. ALWAYS! This is an ongoing joke.

Fast forward to Sunday evening. After falling victim to the marketing giant that is also known as "Free Samples" at Costco, I decided to have frozen Mystic Pizza (3 for $8.99!) for dinner. While waiting for the oven to preheat I found myself giggling because I thought I could smell burning garlic bread. When I opened the oven to put in the pizza I found this:

See, even when I'm not making garlic bread, I still manage to burn it!

Apparently, whoever was in charge of the bread put it in the oven and then promptly forgot about it. I think it might actually be my oven's fault. I'm no longer taking the blame. The oven emits some sort of mind altering drug the instant bread is set inside which makes the person in charge FORGET!

Neither of us learned our lesson the first time.

2008-09-12T09:58:00.000-07:00

Behold, the loveliness that is the poor horse with no mane and

now, no tail!

So the scissors must be placed out of reach and

Dylan has to be punished, again.

Will either of us learn this time???

Another one bites the dust.

2008-09-08T12:18:00.000-07:00

This is my husband's head on WebKinz drugs.

Reason #24,941 to not leave small children alone with scissors.

2008-09-04T17:26:00.000-07:00

First! First! First!

2008-08-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

We’ve had two weeks filled with “firsts” over here at Motherhood, Mayhem and Mirth. Bullet points of proof:

Dylan celebrated her FIRST day of FIRST grade.

Dylan rode the bus home for the FIRST time.

Hayden celebrated her FIRST day of preschool.

Both girls had their ears pierced.

I had my FIRST job interview in 8 years.

I plucked the FIRST gray hair out of my eyebrows.

Dylan started school on August 14, and we are so excited for another wonderful year. She was lucky enough to get the best 1st grade teacher and we know she has a lot to look forward to. She also now rides the bus home from school. I love this because it gives me an extra hour to get caught up on whatever I’m working on. Last year, the parking lot was so crowded after school that I resorted to leaving the house at 2:30 each afternoon to get a spot for 3:00 pm pick-up. Now that she rides the bus, I just meet her at the bus stop, 30 seconds from our house, at 3:30. Technically, she could walk the short distance, but the stop is on a country road that people drive VERY fast on, so I’d rather be there for the first few weeks.

Hayden started her first day of preschool yesterday, Aug. 28, and loved every minute. There were no tears (OK, there were just a few and they were mine…) and she was so happy to be there. I was so proud of her.

On Sunday morning, Dylan said she wanted to get her ears pierced, so we loaded the girls up and drove to the nearest Claire’s. At the very last second Dylan opted out and Hayden said she wanted them. So she took Dylan’s earrings and Dylan left without any. L The next day, after Hayden had showed off her new earrings to Dylan’s friends before school, Dylan said she “really wanted them this time!” So I drove 40 minutes to Sacramento which is where the nearest Libby Lu is and lo and behold she did it.

So, my first job interview was so easy. I fell right back into corporate drone. I wasn’t sure how much “Mom” was written all over me, but apparently I did OK because I’ve made it to the next round. Truthfully, I love being a SAHM, but due to the current financial/ economy situation, I should probably go back to work. Unfortunately the residential remodeling industry is taking a huge hit, so rather than go into financial ruin; we figured it would be best if I somehow generated some income. Obviously, I’d prefer some sort of work from home situation, but the job I interviewed for would be away from home. But, man, the benefits alone make me want to get right back out there. We have done without “benefits” for nearly 10 years. We pay our own medical, dental, insurance, etc. There are no paid holidays when you own your own business. If Mike takes a day off, that means no money coming our way. So I’m looking into working. Blah!

Oh ya, yesterday I found a super shiny gray eyebrow hair. How much does that suck? I had to pluck it because it was a distraction. It kept catching the light while I was putting my make-up on. Does that mean that seven more will appear?

There you have it. Two weeks of firsts all wrapped up.

Another day, another project, Welcome to the Bliss Home!

2008-07-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

Being married to a contractor is a true test of patience. What little I had when we first moved to our home has grown tremendously as we have been working on our house the ENTIRE 8 years we have lived here. There is always a project in some form or another. Now I can’t place the blame on Mike alone. Many times he has had to wait on me to finalize paint color, or pick the towel bars, etc.

Last year I finally put my foot down, NO MORE projects were to be started. None! No matter how badly I may want to change something in the house I have purposely kept my mouth shut for fear of a new project springing up before another was finished.

Currently, the siding project started in May of 2007 (yes 2007!) has yet to be completed and my house is three different colors. I’m somewhat OK with this because we haven’t started anything else and I know that this would be the next project completed… that is until Mike smelled something peculiar in our hall bathroom a couple of days ago. MOLD! Yuck!

Now it looks like this:

I cried when he said he was going to have to tear out the vanity because the last time he had to “just” tear-out something in a bathroom we ended up with an entire new bathroom (which I LOVE now that it’s done two years later), new air conditioning unit, all new ducting, new windows on the front of the house, and new siding around those new windows… you know, the siding that has not made it around the rest of my house.

Although I may sound like a complainer, I’m trying really hard not to be. I’m just weary of having a house in disarray. I know Mike works really relentlessly everyday to provide for our family and he makes it possible for me to be home with the girls. I am so thankful for his creative talent when it comes to building, his dedication to his craft, and his unending commitment to our family.

Now I have to post a picture of my other bathroom now that it is finished, lest you think I’m not thankful. I’m going to look at this picture anytime I feel a loss of patience, because when the hall bathroom is complete it will be beautiful and exactly how I always wanted it to be!

Summer Break

2008-06-30T10:13:00.001-07:00

Summer break has been in full swing for my family since May 29. A full month already. Out of fear, I planned a thousand activities to keep the girls busy. The summer has gone well so far. And we have stayed busy, maybe too busy. This morning I've let the girls stay in their PJ's and they are currently making snowflakes. I should have known that every minute didn't need to be planned. They're old enough now to have fun with spontaneous, unplanned games, crafts, and basic playing. So simple, who knew?

Most of our activities have been of the free sort. Our local movie theaters offer free movies every Wednesday morning. The movies are not new releases, but the girls don't care. We have been meeting up with families from Dylan's class and usually have lunch after. Wednesday's are crazy; movie, lunch and then Dylan has gymnastics. We get home around 5:00 pm just in time to start dinner.

We just had a short vacation to San Diego, compliments of my mom and dad. The girls LOVED Sea World and Dylan would have ridden Atlantis a 100 times if I would have let her. They enjoyed swimming and they loved the sand at the beach.

We've celebrated both girl's birthdays in the past month and have spent tons of time in the pool. This week we are taking it easy...

Prom

2008-05-12T13:58:00.000-07:00

In honor of Prom Season, From the Cheap Seats has put out a dare to all of her readers to post pictures of their own prom...

Here goes!!!

The first picture is from my Junior Prom in 1989, hence the huge hair and the fake long nails that are painted black and white to match my dress. Dang my date was hot!!! He was a Swedish exchange student and was truly the sweetest guy in the world. They grow them and train them so well in Sweden. :)

Unfortunately I couldn't find the REAL picture from my Senior prom in 1990 so this one will have to do. At least my senior year I opted for a little less hair action. But alas, I failed in the garter department. Who wears garters to prom??? My date this year was another great guy. He was such a good sport and was kind enough to stay until the very end of Prom so we could dance. My best friend went with his best friend and we had so much fun.

So, now it's your turn to hunt down those old pictures and post them for our enjoyment!!!!

Have you ever thought “This time, I really am going to die?”

2008-03-10T17:50:00.000-07:00

I have. And it wasn’t pretty.

Two weeks ago, on the same day my brother welcomed his first child to the world, my girls and I were flying from Ontario to Sacramento after a weekend of visiting my family. Both of my kids are star travelers because they have traveled since they were very young. (Dylan’s first flight was at 2.5 weeks old!) The flight started off fine. Dylan was happily sitting next to the window, Hayden was in the middle and I was sitting on the aisle. Both girls were playing with little toys I keep packed in a lunchbox. Suddenly the plane started shaking uncontrollably and all of the little toys in both lunchboxes bounced onto the floor.

I felt a moment of panic, not due to the turbulence, but because of the loss of the Polly Pockets now on the floor. Hayden wanted them back and Dylan started to unhook her seatbelt to pick them up. Then the plane sounded like it was going to explode and Dylan looked at me with huge eyes and asked if we were going to die. She begged me to sit next to her because she was scared. The plane just kept shaking, not the dropping like a roller coaster type of turbulence, but the kind where you can hear every single piece of the plane creaking and bouncing. The pilot came over the loudspeaker and said that due to the unsafe turbulence the flight attendants were not going to be able to leave their seats.

I was too afraid to unhook Hayden’s seatbelt to move next to Dylan. And Dylan just kept looking at me asking if we were going to be OK. And for the first time in my life I wasn’t sure. I was so scared. I kept thinking this was going to be one of the best days in my parent’s life (with the birth of their first grandson) and the worst because I wasn’t sure how much turbulence the plane could take and I felt like we were going to die. The feeling is dizzying. Being a parent and trying to calm your frightened children while not lying was horrible.

Hayden clung to Dylan and kept telling her she was OK. I tried to reach my cell phone in my purse so I could take a picture and then send it to Mike, because I honestly thought it would be the last thing he’d ever get from me. But then I told myself I wasn’t going to, I was going to send all my energy to the plane and the pilots. I stopped thinking about dying and focused all my energy to making sure we lived.

The turbulence lasted 40 minutes.

Once we landed, Mike met us in the baggage claim and I couldn’t look him in the eye. When I called my parents to tell them we had arrived, I lied and said the flight was fine.

As of today, two weeks later, I’m still not sure I can ever fly with my kids again.

Health 100% Happiness 100% Hunger 100%

2008-02-11T12:01:00.000-08:00

“Dear Kathy- I’m worried about you. You have not commented on my blog for a couple of weeks and you haven’t posted anything new on yours. Where have you been?”

Could this note be from you? Do you feel like writing to me and asking the same question? Well if you do, I understand. I’ve been MIA for a few weeks and I really have a good reason. I’ve become addicted. Again. This time it’s not celebrities or reality TV… it’s my daughter’s Webkinz.

I must satisfy my virtual pet addiction. I have no time to write, read or shower. I have figured out how to complete two jobs per day in the employment office. I’m nearing the final gem for a “Crown of wonder.” I feel angry when Dylan spends the money I have earned for her. Since I won a trophy for being top-scorer in a Goober’s Lab tournament, I’m obsessed with winning another. And I can win EVERY single game of Dogbeard’s Bath Tub Battles. So if your 6 year-old is continually beat, I’m sorry, it’s me a 35 year old woman.

Wait, I’ll be right back. Sorry, I just had to take a writing break to check the hourly activities… today at 4:00 pm ET I was able to get a W shop coupon. Can’t pass that up. I even logged on my Mom’s (yes, she has one, too) to make sure she gets the coupon as well.

Today I found a site called webkinzinsider.com and another called webkinzisland.com so I feel comfortable knowing that I am not alone in my addiction.

It won’t be long and I’ll be begging your forgiveness for past hurts as I begin a 12-step program for my latest compulsion. Until then, if you want to hook-up, add me as a friend in Webkinz world. I’ll invite you over to see my super cool house and then I'll kick your ass at Dogbeard's Bathtub Battle.

Playing catch-up.

2008-01-16T09:56:00.000-08:00

Making Christmas cookies.

Christmas morning, our little Tinkerbell and Sleeping Beauty.

The girls just being silly.

After all the chaos of the holidays (losing my dog, having company for nearly three weeks straight, all those new toys, moving our office around to accommodate a space for both kids, etc. etc.) I finally feel like I’m getting back into the swing of regular daily life. And it’s only the middle of January...

One of my many resolutions for the year is to change my attitude. As I typed those words, I heard my Mom’s voice say them. My parents will be so happy that I’ve finally decided to do this because as a teen it’s the one phrase I’m sure I heard everyday. So there it is. I’m changing my attitude. See?

In the vein of being positive with a good attitude, I thought I’d share some pictures of the girls. Nothing like a little shot of cute kids to remind you to have a good attitude.

My dog, Willow

2007-12-21T19:27:00.000-08:00

The past couple of days have been such a source of misery for me. Yesterday morning, my husband woke me to say that my dog, Willow, had a bloated stomach. When I called the vet they would not see her and instead said I had to take her to a critical care surgical vet because bloating is a really bad sign. I rushed her 30 miles away to the nearest surgical center and then waited.

The news was not good. She has a very aggressive cancer and was bleeding profusely from her spleen. There was nothing they could do. They sent her home with me but were unable to promise one more day. Mike called our vet and made an appointment for today, for him to come to our house and put her down. She was bleeding to death and I didn’t want her to suffer.

I have fed her every leftover meal in the fridge and let Dylan give her M&M’s. I slept with her last night and continually told her I love her and that she is the best dog I’ve ever had.

Willow was my companion during the darkest days in my life. My parents bought her for me 11 years ago so I wouldn’t feel so alone. She was with me constantly for the first few years. And I knew when she wasn’t with me, she wished she was.

Over the past couple of years, since I had kids, she has taken a backseat to them. But she’s always been the happiest dog on the planet. Even this morning, while dying, she wagged her tail and trotted down the hall to get a snack.

I will never be the same with out her… she changed my life in a time that I really needed someone to love. Although the past 24 hours have been tortuous for me, I am thankful I had this time with her because she has been with me nearly the whole time, exactly as she always wanted to be.

Maybe I did go a little overboard.

2007-12-19T15:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I spent six and a half hours wrapping Christmas presents. And today, I can barely walk. The end.

That's what I love about Christmas.

2007-12-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

My kids, smiling, in red, in front of our tree. What is better than that?

I know, I know

2007-12-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

Geesh, I've been gone an entire month. November was so busy, and now it's already December and I'm so out of sorts.

With out further ado let's get to some pictures. The first picture is my brother, Tommy, with the girls at Disneyland. The next picture is Mike's sister, Natalie, and the girls on Thanksgiving in La Quinta. The third picture is Hayden decorating a gingerbread house with Mike's sister and Dylan. And the last picture is me, enjoying one of my favorite activities ever: the horse races with my best friends!

See I told you we have been busy. Over the past month we have been to Disneyland, to La Quinta for Thanksgiving, to my parents house in So. Cal for a visit, the horse races at Golden Gate fields and to Pacifica for a bowling birthday party! And this, my friends, is the reason I have not had anytime to blog (or Christmas shop.)

Tagged!

2007-11-02T16:53:00.000-07:00

Carrie tagged me to write seven things about me that you may not already know.

I’ll be 35 on my next birthday which just happens to be on Nov. 6.
I fell in love with my husband the first time I met him. I called my Mom and told her I had just met the guy I was going to marry.
We dated on and off for nearly 9 years before we married.
We will celebrate our 8th anniversary on Nov. 12.
November and December are filled with way too many dates for me to remember:
Nov. 1- my dear friend Shelli’s son’s birthday
Nov. 3- Mike’s best friend from childhood’s birthday
Nov. 6- my birthday
Nov. 7- one of my best friends, Aimee’s birthday
Nov. 12- our anniversary
Nov. 14- Mike’s best friend, Sean’s birthday
Nov. 16- Mike’s Dad’s birthday
Nov. 22- Thanksgiving
Nov. 24- Shelli’s birthday
Nov. 29- Mike’s Sister, Natalie’s birthday
Dec. 3- my parent’s anniversary
Dec. 5- Mike’s step Dad’s birthday
Dec. 9- Mike’s birthday
Dec. 17- Mike’s step Mom’s birthday
Dec. 25- Christmas
Dec. 29- my Best Friend, Marian’s birthday
Dec. 31- my Brother’s birthday
I HATE snakes.
I love pickles.

If you haven't already participated, consider yourself tagged!

Our dreams come true, sort of.

2007-10-12T15:56:00.000-07:00

Well we finally broke down and leased a horse for Dylan. Unfortunately things just aren’t working out well enough and we aren’t going to keep up the lease.

When I leased the horse, Chiquita, I honestly thought it would be easy. But it’s not. I forgot that Hayden is only 2 and wants to do whatever her big sister is doing. So while Dylan is having fun riding, I’m trying to keep Hayden from screaming and running and throwing things. When I get Chiquita from the pasture I have to yell at Hayden to stay out of the way, move back, stay by the tree, look out! Poor thing. We paid all this money for Dylan and Hayden just has to sit and watch.

We’ve only had the lease for a couple of weeks and I already feel a sense of energy that I haven’t had for years. Just being that close to a horse makes me so happy. The smell, the feel and warmth is awesome. Even though I’m not riding I’m still getting the needed fix. But hearing Hayden cry and scream takes it away. I’m pulled two different directions. I want Dylan to have a horse, I want to have a horse, but as long as I have to take Hayden along it just doesn’t work.

So we are not going to re-lease Chiquita. At least not while Dylan still needs help catching her, saddling and bridling her. Once Dylan is old enough to do this herself, she can have a horse of her own. This means I won’t be getting my thrice weekly horse fix. And I feel so sad about this decision. Because I know my renewed sense of energy will go away until I can be near a horse again.

I feel like an adult making a tough adult decision. But I know I’m making the right one… for now.

Spoiled, but not yet rotten.

2007-09-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

My parents came to visit us last weekend. Right before my parents arrive, I am always bombarded with the same questions: Are they coming today? How many more minutes until they get here? What kind of surprises are they going to bring? Dylan and Hayden love my parents… and they love the surprises they bring with them when they visit. Most surprises consist of little trinkets, stickers or some sort of candy. But my parents really out did themselves this past weekend.

They had two ponies delivered.

If you could have seen Dylan’s face you would have certainly peed in your pants (First you must understand that we live on a dirt road in BFE. Next you must understand that where my parents live the ice cream man comes down the street everyday which translates to the girls having ice cream everyday when we visit them. Dylan dreams of having the ice cream man come to our house) because the ponies are delivered in a van that looks exactly like an ice cream truck! She starts screaming, “The ice cream man, the ice cream man!” But Hayden starts screaming, “Saucy! Saucy!” This means horsy in two-year-old.

Imagine Dylan’s utter amazement when instead of ice cream, two ponies got out of the van. The entire scene was so funny and so white trash!

Lucky for Mike and me, the ponies were only on loan for the morning.

Dylan and Hayden are so fortunate. They have three sets of grandparents who bestow all sorts of gifts upon them. My hope for my girls is that they always appreciate what they are given and remain grateful to the people who treat them so well. I don’t mind if my girls are spoiled, they just need to remain sweet!

And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?

2007-08-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

And you may find yourself in another part of the world

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful Wife

And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?
- Once in a Lifetime by the Talking Heads

Last Thursday evening Mike and I went to our first “Back to School” night at Dylan’s school. As we drove down our driveway I looked over at my husband and felt as though I had just awakened from a dream. I was looking at a man who owns his own business and a home, has two beautiful girls and has been married for nearly eight years. Who in the hell was he? And where was I?

I remembered Mike as a 20 year old surfer-rocker with an Axl Rose hair-do. I was transported back to our early years as college sweethearts, when we drank too much and slept too little. And now we are in charge of two little girls. We are supposed to be responsible parents and we were on our way to the school to prove it. I felt so weird, like I’d slept through the last five years of my life.

When did we become the adults?

I love show tunes!

2007-08-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday evening I took Dylan to see High School Musical on stage. And I fell in love, (no, not with Troy, ok maybe a little with Troy…), but with the singing and dancing. There are no words to explain the feeling that enters my soul when I hear 40 people sing their hearts out. Now add to this that this cast was kids, you can imagine what a wonderful experience we had.

I have always loved going to see shows. My first was Evita at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion in Los Angeles. At 7 or 8, I felt so grown up going with my parents for a special night out. When the lights went down and the music started I felt a little scared and then overwhelmed with the music and signing. I wanted to get up and dance, too. I still sing, “Don’t cry for me Argentina” whenever my kids cry.

My life has been very blessed because I have been able to see many productions since that first one so many years ago. I’ve seen Phantom of the Opera and A Chorus Line in Los Angeles; Cats, Les Miserables and Man of La Mancha in San Francisco; Sunset Boulevard in New York, the Lion King in Sacramento and Metropolis in London.

Watching Dylan fall in love with the theater was one of the most gratifying moments in my life. She was so excited and couldn’t sit still. She cheered in the right places and clapped her heart out at the end. This makes me want to work harder to ensure she has the same opportunities I have had. I can’t wait to take her to experience many more performances just to watch the ecstatic look on her face during the first few notes of the opening song.

Do you love the theater, too?

How to describe the first day of kindergarten.

2007-08-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

There really are no words to describe how I felt today as we dropped Dylan off for her first day of Kindergarten. Hard, proud, heartbreaking, exciting, sad, oh ya, and I cried. But Dylan? She was so excited she jumped out of bed, grabbed her lunch box and put it in her backpack. She could’t wait to go. She kept asking if we were going to be late. The second the teachers opened the door she told them her name and walked right into the classroom. I called her back to give her a kiss and say goodbye. Then she was gone. Just like that. Proof again that she is well-adjusted and ready for her future to begin. Not me, I’m not well-adjusted at all, I'm not ready to let go just yet.

Lost

2007-07-29T12:03:00.000-07:00

Lost can mean so many things. Lost is a feeling, and a place, and where the diamond to my engagement ring now resides. The diamond my husband spent time picking out, the diamond he designed an engagement ring around is now gone, sitting on the ground somewhere, or maybe in a landfill. It could even be rolling around in my car, or be living in my housekeeper’s vacuum. Or maybe it is in the vacuum at the car wash. Maybe it is in a friend’s pool filter, or down the drain in my new bathroom. The key here is that I only know where it isn’t…. on my hand, in my engagement ring!!!!

I feel lost without it. I feel a strong sense of ominous loss. This has nothing to do with the replacement value and all about the emotional value. I can NEVER replace the diamond that my sweet husband chose for me. The diamond that absorbed all the excitement at the moment he asked me to marry him, the diamond that has been there every moment over the past 8 years of my life, and the diamond I made a special bequest of to my oldest daughter in my trust documents is gone.

It’s been two weeks and I still search the driveway, and my car, and the bedspread everyday. And I feel so sad, like I’m grieving and I can’t get over it.

“There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.” Winston Churchill

2007-07-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

Every time Dylan makes a wish she wishes for a paint horse. Her love of horses is so deep and so strong that I worry about her not getting her own horse soon.

Having a horse as a kid made me such a better person. I learned to care for something that completely relied on me. At age 6, my first horse was a pony named Trigger. He gave me such a sense of independence while taking good care of me. He was fast enough to make me feel like I was flying, yet gentle enough to make sure I didn’t get hurt. He was such a great first horse.

My next horse was Mayday whom I loved for nearly 20 years. When I went away to college and my parents told me I could only keep one of my four horses she was the one I kept. Although I went to college in Northern California, I would often fly home for just a couple hours to ride Mayday. Just being near her cleared my head and made things right in my world.

It is no surprise to me that Dylan loves horses. But I was surprised the first time she rode alone. She was so natural, so sure of herself, so happy. She reminded me of myself as a kid. She reminded me what is missing in my own life.

The answer is simple. We need a horse. I need horse.

What a weekend.

2007-06-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

What happens when you put four women together without kids or husbands for a weekend? FUN, FUN, FUN! OMG. I just had such a wonderful weekend. Three friends and I just spent a fabulous weekend together in San Francisco. Now first you must know that I lived in the Bay Area and San Francisco for many years and the three other ladies lived there as well. Therefore this was not a tourist trip to the City, but a pampering trip to the city!

The weekend was planned to celebrate the upcoming birth of my friend, Shelli’s, second child. She didn’t want a baby shower so we happily obliged with a day of pampering instead.

Aimee, Shelli, Julie and I all met on the very first day of our freshman year of college 17 years ago. We were all roommates at some point or another throughout college and our families still vacation together. I talk to Aimee everyday and Shelli as often as possible. Aimee, Shelli and I lived together on a lake for a summer during college. Aimee and I traveled to Greece and Italy our senior year. Shelli and I traveled for a month in Ireland after college. Shelli nearly beat my parents to the hospital when I had my first child and Aimee kept me busy the day before I had my second. Shelli and her husband, Murph, are Julie’s son’s godparents. Suffice it to say we have a lot of history together. A LOT OF HISTORY.

Aimee, Shelli and I started our day with a yummy breakfast at the Corral Steakhouse in Pacifica. The weather was superb and I love eating there because the restaurant is on an actual horse ranch. So while eating a culinary feast I was able to watch people working their horses.

We then met Julie on our drive to the city. Our first stop was Teashi for lovely pedicures. Super cute place, full of light and very comfortable.

We hightailed it across town and made our way to Bloomingdales for make-up at the MACcounter. This was such a wonderful treat. We surprised Julie and Shelli with appointments to get our make-up done. We had way too much fun. Rather than spending an hour there we spent 2 and half hours. The make-up artists were great and added to our fun. I changed my lipstick color three times! Then we bought out all the make-up at the counter. Oh, and then someone found the shoe department where there was a huge clearance. Yikes!

Because we had spent so much time at Bloomingdale’s, we had to change our clothes in a parking lot, but this did not dampen our spirits at all. As a matter of fact it was fun trying to shield each other from oncoming traffic. We laughed so much.

We had dinner at the very sumptuous Salt House. Although this was the first time dining there for all of us, we knew it was going to be great because we all love Town Hall which is owned and ran by the same chefs. We were seated next to the open kitchen and were able to watch the HAWT chefs the entire evening. This made dinner even more entertaining. There we were four women, all mothers, all in our 30’s, acting like we were 21 again. The conversation was inspired, the food was superb and the laughter was non-stop.

We ended the evening by going to the Mission where thousands of people roamed the streets following the Gay Pride celebrations. Why where we in the Mission? Well this part is a bit embarrassing, but at the time it was so much fun! We went to Good Vibrations and learned all about the latest and greatest porn movies. We laughed some more and talked one another into buying gifts for our husbands, all whom had stayed home with our children for the weekend.

We stayed the night at Shelli’s and had breakfast at the Corral Steakhouse again the next morning.

The weekend was so wonderful. We ate tons of frozen York Peppermint patties and saved ourselves thousands of dollars in counseling bills because we acted like therapists to one another. This week I’m a better mother and wife because I had some much needed time away. Now I’m just figuring out a way to do it again next month!

FIVE YEARS OLD!

2007-06-18T21:11:00.000-07:00

Dylan will be five on June 19. FIVE! As usual, I feel like lamenting the passage of time, but I’ll spare you the details today. Instead let me tell you about my wonderful daughter.

She loves animals, people and nature. She loves her little sister. She loves all of her grandparents. And she loves her dog, Zoey.

She has crazy dreams and likes to share them in the middle of the night.

Playing pirates and knights is a favorite pastime. And she can wield a sword while riding a stick horse better than a few of the riders at Medieval Times. She has a passion for anything horse related.

She is a true dare-devil. The first time she rode a tricycle, at 18 months old, she didn’t think sitting on the seat was enough fun so she stood on the seat with one foot while putting the other as high in the air as she could. She wants to swing higher, spin faster and needs the adrenaline rush. She screams for her Dad to “Go Faster” on the quad.

She can’t stand bad breath or any sort of bodily function. Being anywhere nearby while I change her sister’s dirty diaper makes her gag.

She loves to make crafts, paint and color. She is always running out of glue and losing her scissors.

She likes to make silly faces during dinner and after dinner she and Hayden put on a “show” for us every night. She loves to dress up in costumes.

She makes me proud because she is kind and considerate. She remembers her manners and feels bad when her friends call one another names. She doesn't like to make “bad choices” and really drives the point home when she tells you not to throw something away because it is “special to her heart.”

She is a very special little girl. Very loved and very loving. Happy birthday Dylan!

Wonderful Vacation

2007-06-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

Last week my Mom took the girls and me to Lexington, Kentucky to visit some of the famous racehorses of our time. This is the second trip we have taken together to Kentucky and this one was just as magical as the first.

As you probably already know, I am a total horse-lover who has passed the horse-lover gene on to my oldest daughter, Dylan. I swear, she lives and breathes horses. She remembers the names of famous racehorses and was just as thrilled as I was to meet Monarchos (2001 Kentucky Derby winner), Thunder Gulch (1995 Kentucky Derby Winner), Fusaichi Pegasus (2000 Kentucky Derby winner), and Smarty Jones (2004 Kentucky Derby winner).

We were at

Three Chimneys Farm the day they received the call that Silver Charm (1997 Kentucky Derby winner) was going to be inducted into the Hall of Fame!

Claiborne Farm is truly an amazing place. In their horse cemetery are buried Secretariat (1973 Triple Crown winner), Gallant Fox (1930 Triple Crown winner), and Omaha (1935 Triple Crown winner). Claiborne also owned Whirlaway (1941 Triple Crown winner) but he was buried in France. The Triple Crown is undoubtedly the most difficult feat in all of Thoroughbred racing. Only 11 horses have captured the Triple Crown, while 42 others have finished only one win shy of the honor. Claiborne can claim four Triple Crown winners! I’m so amazed. We loved visiting Claiborne... and Ioved meeting Monarchos!

We also spent a day in Louisville to visit Churchill Downs and the Kentucky Derby Museum. The museum is amazing and a must-see if you're in Kentucky. Dylan specifically asked to visit becasue she remembered "riding" racehorses from our first trip. She was not disappointed. She says she wants to be a jockey when she grows up.

I love the history. I love the horses. And I’m so grateful to my Mom for giving us this precious memory!

Another day, another milestone, and another reason to cry.

2007-05-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

Dylan and best buddie, Dillon at graduation

Today I picked up Dylan from preschool for the last time. It feels like such a short time ago that I wrote about leaving her there for the first time. Like that day back in September ’05, I cried. I cried for how quickly time goes and I cried because I really loved her school and will miss the love and support she received from her teachers. Her school has prepared her well for kindergarten and I am eternally grateful for being able to send her to such a wonderful place. Now if there was just some way to ingrain every little moment in my mind so I will never forget them then maybe I wouldn’t feel so sad about the passing of time.

Teachers are not paid enough.

2007-05-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

Today I ventured into hell. I worked in Dylan’s preschool class. The end.

Would you?

2007-05-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I finished a book called Been There, Done That, about a 30-something woman who goes back to college as an undercover reporter. She realizes that she has a chance to do some of the things she wished she had done while actually in college. It was a fun, quick read that has me thinking about having a second chance to do things I wished had.

While in college I had the best internship ever. I interned with a public relations icon at I.Magnin in San Francisco. Her name was Shirley Wilson and she was tremendously well known and all powerful… but at the time, I did not really know who she was. My very first day she threw me right in the mix and made me follow Calvin Klein (yes, THAT Calvin Klein) around as he prepared for a media blitz promoting the Annual Valentine’s Ball held at the Museum of Modern Art. I had no idea what I was doing. I did not even know where the bathroom was in the store. I learned more in that one day than I had my entire four years of college!

After college I was offered a job as an assistant in that same office. The office was small with two event coordinators, one PR person, one fashion stylist, one manager and me. A total of six people and we handled the events for all 12 stores. I worked with so many wonderful and interesting people, but I couldn’t stand the fact that I never really had a specific job. Sometimes I would design invitations; sometimes I helped pick out place settings, other times I’d sit in on marketing meetings. I’d write press releases and stuff swag bags. I answered phones and helped decide our target market for events. I had to be a dresser during a huge fashion show because there wasn’t enough help. I hung out with San Francisco’s social elite. One time the fashion guru took me shopping and acted like my personal shopper. Every person in the office was a professional with flair, but my 21 year old self felt out of place. I had so many opportunities, these people took me under their wing and wanted to teach me… but I wasn’t ready to learn. I didn’t appreciate the fact that they let me be a part of every aspect of the events.

If I could, I would relive that opportunity now. I would absorb every aspect of the job. I would listen intently and ask questions. I’d smile and be happy when told I had to be Donna Karan’s assistant for the day because hers was sick, even knowing I was going to miss the other events planned for the day. I wouldn’t be hurt when told I had to man the phones while every one else had to be at an early morning TV talk show… because then I would be happy when Kate Moss showed up because she couldn’t remember where she was supposed to be. When the fashion guru takes me shopping, I would ask more questions as to why he picked certain colors and styles for me instead of feeling like he was putting down my current taste in clothing. When my boss, Brent, asks what I think about the many fashion models that come through our office I’d have an opinion instead of worrying about saying the wrong thing. When he tries to teach me how to walk on the catwalk, I’d do it instead of feeling embarrassed because I know I’ll never be a fashion model. I'd take advantage of all the freebies instead of felling like a fraud.

I missed out on so many learning opportunities because I was too young to appreciate the chance. Now I would welcome them, I would take notes; ask questions and be thankful for the kindness these people showed me even when I forgot to give them important phone messages.

I've been tagged

2007-05-02T14:10:00.000-07:00

Carrie tagged me, asking me to share seven RANDOM facts/habits (aka: idiosyncrasies) about myself. Since I posted five facts a while back I thought I’d plagiarize my own work… Here goes:

1. I have never purposefully passed gas in front of my husband whom I have known for 16 years...

2. Putting sunscreen on anyone other than my children totally grosses me out. Please NEVER ask me to put it on your back.

3. Feet are scary. Well other people's feet are scary, mine are cute. But I don't like them to be touched. Pedicures are not fun or relaxing.

4. All cans/ bottles in the refridgerator and cabinets must face forward at exactly the same angle.

5. When making long car trips I refuse to stop more than once... during that stop I get gas for the car, food and use the bathroom. I feel REALLY annoyed when I have to stop more than that for restroom breaks. I have actually warned people who make the trek with me between So. Cal. and Nor Cal that I will not stop so they shouldn't drink anything before the trip. The first trip I took with Dylan after she was potty trained was payback for all the years I refused to stop for other people because I had to stop every 30 minutes...

6. When the sheets are tucked in all the way around a bed, I feel like I’m in a coffin and must undo all the tucking.

7. I refuse to actually enter a McDonald’s (or any fast food place) for fear that I will see the people preparing the food and will be unable to eat it.

Now, if you've read this, consider yourself tagged!

Would you tell a friend she looked like shit in a particular dress?

2007-04-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

At a birthday party this weekend I had an interesting conversation with another mother. I’ve casually known this woman for a few years so we often get into in- depth conversations when we see one another. She wanted to know what I thought of another friend’s decision to leave her husband. Before I could answer she said she thought her friend was making a terrible decision and had told her so… because that is what real friends do. I laughed, because that is something I would never do.

Then the conversation took an interesting turn.

Her: “Don’t you think you should let them know how you feel? Maybe it will make a difference. We should all tell her she is making a really bad decision.”

Me: “No, it’s not my place, even if asked I have no right to an opinion because I don’t really know how they feel.”

Her: “If a good friend came out of her room wearing an ugly blue dress it’s your responsibility to tell her because you’re her friend. The dress is a really bad choice and she should know and you must tell her.”

Me: “Nope, not true, what if my friend felt like a million bucks in the dress? Then I tell her I think it’s ugly. Then how would she feel? Maybe her feeling like a million bucks is worth way more than my opinion on the dress… and it’s just that, my opinion, maybe the next person will think she looks fabulous.”

Her: “But if she asks your opinion? Do you lie and say the dress if fine?”

Me: “There’s the difference, if she asks then maybe I will offer my opinion, but not without asking how she feels first. Does she feel good in the dress, does she love the color? Etc. etc. If she feels ugly in it then maybe I’ll say the dress just isn’t right… but until then, my opinion really doesn’t matter.”

Her: “That’s just being a bad friend… letting someone go out in an ugly blue dress.”

Me: “But what if the dress is beautiful to her and she feels like she has made a good choice?”

Her: “Doesn’t matter, a real friend would tell you the truth about the ugly blue dress.”

I laughed and now wonder, is she right? Would a real friend tell you your dress is hideous? Am I not a real friend because I can’t come right out and say the dress is ugly?

Meeting the Easter Bunny

2007-03-28T17:34:00.000-07:00

Dylan 2003

Dylan 2004

Dylan 2005

Dylan and Hayden 2006

Dylan and Hayden 2007

For the past few years I have taken Dylan, and now Hayden, to the same place to have their picture taken with the Easter Bunny (and Santa, too). I'm so glad I have done this because seeing the age progression is awesome!

The Sanity Saver

2007-03-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago, the MOMS Club I belong to had a very cool tip in the monthly newsletter. One of the other moms had taken a few children’s nutrition classes and had one perfect tip for the rest of us: the Snack Tray! Literally this tip has saved my sanity since I started using it.

The premise is that children are natural grazers and we try to force them to sit through three meals a day and rarely offer snacks in between. Kid’s stomachs are super small therefore they require less food more often then an adult. Enter the Snack Tray. The nutritionist suggests using a muffin tin with either 6 or 12 bins, I use one with 12. Then fill each bin with healthy, nutritious finger foods that kids can eat throughout the day. Since each bin is about ½ cup you know your kids are getting great serving sizes of fruits and veggies! I keep the tray on an ottoman in the kid’s path so they see it all day. I rarely refill any of the bins because I want to make sure they are getting good servings of each food group.

Since I started using the Snack Tray most tantrums and meltdowns have disappeared, particularly with Hayden. I never have a kid begging for something to eat while I’m making dinner and both kids sit and eat dinner when it’s served. Amazing! I’ve had such a great response from my kids that I just had to share with you how much this simple trick has saved me from insanity. This tray is especially wonderful when we have play dates, I no longer have the visiting kid asking for snacks and then saying they don’t like what I’ve prepared… they just snack all day on the nutritious food I’ve put out.

I try to add new and interesting stuff, some work, some don’t. I once put in Kashi Ranch crackers and watched as both kids dug in… then Hayden brought all of them to me and said, “Trash.” But both kids always try the newest item first. I love it!

Food I put in the tray:
- Dried fruit: Apricots, blueberries, cranberries (Dylan says they are candy!)
- Raisins, yogurt covered Raisins
- Sliced apples, bananas, oranges, grapes, blueberries
- Yogurt for dipping
- Baby carrots, celery, sliced cucumbers, and broccoli
- Low fat ranch dressing for dipping (Blend cottage cheese and Ranch dip mix!)
- Mini pretzels
- Peanut butter filled pretzels
- Whole wheat gold fish
- Pirate’s Booty
- Caramel rice cakes
- Kashi bars broken up
- Fruit Roll-ups ripped into pieces and then re-rolled
- Annie’s Cheddar bunnies and Honey Grahams
- Fruity Cheerios and Honey-nut Cheerios
- Cubes of cheese
- Ham slices cut up, chicken cubed

If you try this, let me know what you think!

Proof that things do change when you have kids

2007-03-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend we spent a day at the San Francisco Saint Patrick’s Day parade. This is something we did regularly in our earlier years during and after college.

A good friend from college, Mike Murphy (Murph), is VERY Irish and for the past 35 years his family has had a day of Irish Soda Bread baking. This event was so popular that they were often written up in Herb Caen’s column in the SF Chronicle and they rented a hall to accommodate all the people. Murph’s family always planned this wonderful event on the Saturday before the parade that is normally held on Sunday.

Our weekend would begin bright and early Saturday morning with a shot of Irish whiskey, a prayer and the singing of Danny Boy by Papa Murph. Then the fun would really begin, any new people to the event were considered virgins and they were expected to make the bread… a few hundred loaves of bread! Now this may sound fun, but the truth is it’s more fun to watch because mixing hundreds of pounds of flour, sugar, butter, etc. and then having gallons of buttermilk poured over your head, really is not that great. The batter feels like concrete and getting it out of your hair takes days. As the loaves baked hundreds of people would sing and dance and eat and drink. Really a wonderful event!

The Murphy family would give away awards, the best one in particular was called the “I did it for the Bread” award and was given to the person from the previous year who did the craziest thing for the bread… of course this usually was terribly embarrassing for the winner because it always involved doing something really stupid.

The party would last until all hours of the night and everyone left with a loaf of Irish Soda bread. The next morning we would all get up and head to downtown San Francisco for the Annual St. Paddy’s day parade. In college we would ride on our college’s float and after college we would ride on the Murphy’s family cable car. It was such a wonderful weekend filled with lots of Irish tradition, lots of Irish beer and many, many wonderful memories.

Fast forward 10 years, all of our college friends now have kids and the Murphy family has scaled back the event to just include children. Three years ago Dylan helped mix the bread, but only about 50 loaves were made. The event no longer includes all day binge drinking because we all have young kids who need our attention. And we haven’t been to the parade for years.

Last weekend we made a plan with the old crew because the parade was going to actually fall on St. Patrick’s Day and we all met up in the city for the parade. We packed chairs, snacks, juice and all the kids. We arrived early for prime seating and parade viewing. All went really well.

Then Dylan had a big surprise. SF Mayor Gavin Newson who was marching in the parade made a beeline right for her. He asked for candy… she freaked out and tried to hide from him. He put on a big show for the crowd's benefit and she stayed hidden. As he walked away, he said he would be back. About ten minutes later he did come back, with money. He walked right up to Dylan and when she tried to hide he coaxed her back and offered her a five dollar bill. She ripped it out of his hand and ran back to her hiding spot. The crown went wild! We laughed and cheered for Dylan. And Gavin Newsom was a great sport.

Our weekend was fun, we didn’t have a hangover and we can’t wait to go again next year… we even talked about getting our own float to ride in the parade!

Gavin Newsom, the second time he came by, he is searching his pocket for money,

and the guys around him are laughing because Dylan has gone into hiding again!

2007-02-17T15:30:00.000-08:00

Although I haven’t blogged for a couple of months I have kept up with all of you by reading your blogs everyday. Often, as I peruse a few of my favorite sites I click on their links and find another blog that I love. What did I do before there were blogs?

I feel as if the entire world is at my finger tips. I’m learning about life in Tanzania from an American who moved there with her 2-year-old twins. Another American keeps me posted about life in Russia while trying to navigate the Russian adoption process. I’m currently on pins and needles as I await the adoption of “Cupcake” right alongside her new mom and dad. I sent up a little prayer when I read about the birth of Untangling Knot’s son. I waited in excitement as Karyn made her way back to her family in Spain after a tour in Iraq. Dan Renzi, of Real World Miami fame, keeps me in stitches about his life as he again conquers Miami. And I absolutely can’t wait to read about my friend Carrie’s trip to Paris in April. (I’m sure she’ll have awesome pictures to share as well!)

The internet is such a wonderful instrument in life. Reading about other people’s lives really confirms that we each have a story. Each person has something important to tell and do in life. These everyday people inspire me.

I'm moving to Maui

2006-12-21T17:30:00.000-08:00

OK, not really, but a girl can dream right? We had a fabulous time in Maui. We stayed in Kihei and the girls loved every minute of the trip. They played in the sand, played in the sand and played in the sand some more. They both loved the ocean!!!

We had dinner at Sarento’s one night to celebrate my parent’s 40th anniversary. The food was sumptuous and the sunset was beautiful. Ahhhhh, I said I was moving there right?

Hayden especially loved the Maui Ocean Center. Her new favorite word is turtle... but she really enjoyed watching the sharks.

The vacation almost had a very bad start… the day before we left we had to put our 14-year-old dog, Darlin, to sleep. It was devastating. But as always, there is a silver lining and that is at least she didn’t die while we were on vacation. I think about her everyday and find myself not sure how to answer Dylan’s questions about death. Any suggestions?

Be prepared to be envious

2006-11-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

We're headed to Maui on Wednesday to celebrate my parent's 40th wedding anniversary. I can't wait to get out of this cold and rain!

Puke/poopfest 2006 (AKA why I love my steam cleaner!)

2006-11-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my world of puke and shit. My home is filled with it. (Oh ya, my car is, too.) Both kids have been sick since Wednesday of last week. I feel housebound for fear of one of them shitting on me in public. As we all know this fear is normal with an infant, but I have an 18 month old and a four year old. Being shit or puked on now feels disgusting.

Case in point #1: Wednesday, Hayden said she pooped so I carried her to her room to change her, then I felt something liquid hot on my side and on my foot. Yuck! The liquid poop had escaped the diaper and ended up on me and the carpet. I literally had to hose her off in the shower. Then I had to steam clean the carpet in her room. At this point I didn't realize I had a few more days of poop and puke to look forward to.

Case in point #2: Thursday, while shopping at Costco, Hayden puked all over the floor, cart and herself. Luckily I was buying meat at that exact moment and had a meat bag in my hands because I was able to use it to catch most of it. Some VERY nice guy in the meat department came running out with wet and dry paper towels. I thought Hayden had choked on a piece of cheese and that had caused her to throw up, so I continued shopping.

Case in point #3: Like I said I thought her puking was a one-off. So we headed to Safeway after Costco. Here she puked all over the cart, me, herself and the floor in the produce department. I wasn't as lucky to have a bag in my hand this time and trying to catch it with my hands didn't work as well as I thought it would. I finally came to the conclusion that Hayden was sick...

Case in point #4: Being the selfish mother that I sometimes am, I wanted to go watch my husband play in a championship softball game Thursday night. I wrapped Hayden up, packed, two bins of wipes, plastic bags and two extra outfits and we drove to the game. Dylan rode with Mike and Hayden fell asleep in the car. I parked next to the field and watched the game from there. Dylan came to sit in the car with me. She said she was thirsty and then PUKED all over the front seat, passenger door, seat belt, etc. in my car. I had to leave the game and drive while Dylan puked in the backseat all the way home. (Luckily I bad plastic bags.)

Case in point #5: Once I arrived home, I couldn't keep up. Hayden would puke, then I'd clean her up, steam clean the carpet, and then I'd hear Dylan puking. Then I'd clean her up, steam clean the carpet, start ANOTHER load of laundry and then Hayden would puke again. Fun, really. When Mike arrived home (after the pizza party celebrating their win) I said as nicely as possible, "Pick one."

All night we each had to deal with puking kids. And now the shitting has begun. All day Sat, Sun and today has been filled with liquid shit. I've done more laundry in the past few days than I would normally do in a month.

Hell has arrived to the Bliss home. I just hope I make it out alive... and without my own case of puking.

Progress

2006-10-24T18:33:00.000-07:00

Dylan's bedding arrived today. She was so excited! Her room isn't finished, but it's getting close. I went to Target (my favorite place for Pottery Barn knock-offs) today in the hopes of finding a lamp and bedside table, but they didn't have anything. Nearly every aisle was filled with Christmas stuff. (Already!)

Believe it or not, I painted the horse pictures. I'm a little disappointed that the colors I chose for the horses don't really go with the bedding, but they look pretty good none-the-less.

Thank goodness I insisted on trying so many different yellows because I love the one we finally used. What do you think?

What Dylan thinks of me-- one year (and a couple months) later.

2006-10-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

I posted these questions in August of 2005. At the time Dylan had just turned 3 and her answers were so cute. I promised myself I would ask these questions every year to see how they change… alas, it is now October 2006 and I just remembered! I'm amazed that she answered the first two questions exactly the same. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

1. Something I always say to you? “I love you”

2. What makes me happy? “Me!”

3. What makes me sad? “When I do something wrong.”

4. How do I make you laugh? “by doing silly stuff.”

5. What was I like as a child? “You liked horses.”

6. How old am I? “9”

7. How tall am I? “15 high”

8. What is my favorite thing to do? “Play with me.”

9. What do I do when you are asleep? “You sleep.”

10. What would I be famous for? (What am I REALLY good at?) “Teaching me how to ride a horse.”

11. What am I not very good at? “Changing diapers.”

12. What do I do for my job? “Make money.”

13. What is my favorite food? “Chicken noodle soup.”

14. What makes you proud of me? “Hugging me.”

15. If I was a cartoon character, who would I be? “Alice in Wonderland.”

16. What do you and I do together? “Play"

17. How are you and I the same? “We love each other.”

18. How are you and I different? “We have different hair.”

19. How do you know I love you? “Because I love you.”

20. How long have Mom & Dad known each other? “90 weeks.”

So out of the political loop.

2006-10-03T17:28:00.000-07:00

President Bush visited our county today. This is the first trip EVER for an active president! We've had a few past presidents, but this was really a big deal. I thought it would be a once in a lifetime chance to see the motorcade and all the pomp and circumstance surrounding the visit, so I packed up Hayden and away we went.

I was grossly mistaken. I was shocked by the thousands of PROTESTERS! All the hysteria and profanity was sickening. I have no political views, and even if I hated President Bush, I think as an American, it’s exciting to see the President. But apparently I was one of maybe ten there who thought that. It was crazy! There were so many angry people. I heard the f-word so many times that it made me thankful that Dylan was unable to make it.

When we first arrived I felt proud to live in a country were we can have differing views and can feel safe expressing them. I took pictures of all the people holding their signs. Then I realized that there was not one supporting sign, all were protesting something.

Once we parked and found a spot along the road I realized that I was amongst the wrong crowd. Another mother with her daughter came over to me and asked if we wanted to sit with them because they were Pro-president… No she did not say Pro-Bush, just pro-president, and there was this awkward silence before someone from behind me started being rude. Maybe this was the wrong place to take a child, but I decided to stay because I wanted to see the president.

When the big choppers and Chinooks flew overhead carrying the President the crowd went crazy. A few minutes later the motorcade came by and I felt very patriotic. Then when I heard the booing and jeering, I felt bad for our lovely community.

My emotions were all over the map today. I felt proud to live in a country were we can all have a voice, but I also felt ashamed that people were so rude. There was one lone soldier wearing his army fatigues carrying a sign in support of the troops, people threw things at him and liberally cussed him out. I took a picture of him. He has just finished two years in Iraq. He deserved more.

My painter (AKA my husband) is about to shoot me.

2006-09-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months we have played with the idea of making our guest room into Dylan’s room and making Dylan’s current room into a playroom. Mike isn’t too sure about the idea, but we are going forth anyway. Although we often have guests, it does not makes sense to dedicate one room because then we are not using 25% of our bedroom space. It’s like having a living room that you’re not allowed to use. So we are moving on with the project, sort of.

Dylan wants a yellow horse room and I’m happy to oblige. The only problem is finding a yellow that works in the already too bright room. I’ve chosen 9 (!) different yellows and still I don’t have a favorite. We’ve bought 9 quart cans at $9.00 a can and my husband is miffed because that could have more than covered the cost of the paint. And I still don’t have the right shade…

I love the bedding we picked. And I’m painting four canvases with horses on them. I also have a huge collection of Breyer horses to add to the horse theme. I’ll post pictures when it’s is finished… that’s if I can ever decide on the yellow!

What I did for my Labor Day Weekend

2006-09-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

While everyone else was BBQing, picnicking, and camping this past weekend, I was shopping. Christmas shopping! Like last year, I’m trying to spend less. It’s become a game for me. I use coupons and wait for clearance sales.

A few years ago, I would never have shopped this way. I was all about spending too much money on “the” perfect gift. But there is no such thing. You can’t buy that. Now I buy things I plan for. I’m so much happier and doing this early makes my life easier during the holidays.

Want to read something that will make you really happy for someone else? Read this entry by my friend Carrie.

Living through your kids.

2006-07-31T16:50:00.000-07:00

So I know you're not supposed to live through your children, but how can I help it? Dylan has started taking riding lessons and now gets to ride once a week. I would love to do the same thing.

Living like a celebrity (a 21 year old celebrity...)

2006-07-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

The past weekend was one of the most fun I have had in years. Seriously. You know, after having kids, when you go away for the weekend, you really just want to sleep. Well that did not happen because I was at a Bachelorette party. Yes, ten 30 something women out way too late and having too much fun.

The party was for my best friend, Marian. Since Marian is such a fun, wonderful person all of her friends are the same way. The weekend had zero drama and tons of craziness.

Me and Marian, the bride-to-be... but I'm the one wearing the veil!

First of all, we all stayed together in a five-bedroom condo in South Lake Tahoe. We had a good view of the Lake but the best part was the heated pool on the beach! After staying up until 4:00 AM on Friday night we hung out by the pool the entire next day.

Saturday night we went to Vex this raging nightclub in Harrah’s. DJ AM (you know Nicole Richie’s ex) was there and he was incredible. Since I was the hostess for the weekend, I splurged and arranged for us to have a private cabana. This allowed us to go through the VIP line instead of waiting in the super long line!

Once inside we had our own waitress and the service was awesome. We never had to wait in line for a drink because they bring the bar to your table. The waitress brought a bottle of Grey Goose and every conceivable mixer to the table. Also included was a wonderful tray of chocolate covered strawberries and other fruit. I really felt like a celebrity!

Some of the girls!

The club was so much fun. We danced until 4:00 AM. (We danced so much that a few of us were sore the next day… and theday after that ;-) We went to bed after the sun came up. It was so much fun!

One thing I noticed at the club is the fact that every woman was drop dead gorgeous and only about 1% of the guys were good looking. The ratio is way off.

So, if you plan to visit S. Lake Tahoe anytime soon, I highly recommend Vex, but be sure to reserve your own booth or cabana.

Where have I been for the past month?

2006-06-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure. Busy. I just remembered that I have a blog. :) And when I checked in, I realized it has been more than a month since my last entry. I can't believe it!!!

So let's see, In the past month both of my children have had birthdays. Hayden turned one and Dylan turned four. Dylan's birthday party was a Knight/ Princess party theme. Dylan loves knights! This picture is Hayden tormenting Dylan.

And for Hayden we had a simple first birthday with close friends and family.

The proof is in the rose

2006-05-20T22:55:00.000-07:00

My roses have started blooming and I feel a bit emotional about this. Every year I look forward to the sun making its return to Shingle Springs. I look forward to the warmth and all the promises of beautiful things. I look forward to watching my roses bloom.

This little emotional roller coaster started last week with the blooming of my first rose of the year. Why would something so simple begin a flood for me? Easy. This one rose is a reminder that another year has come and gone. 2006 is nearly half over and I still haven’t gotten around to starting my New Year’s resolutions. This one rose reminds me that I have wasted time.

Time is precious, more so now that I have children. Now that I realize my parents are getting older. That I am getting older. All the old cliché’s: “Time Flies.”, etc. etc. I feel them. I feel them in my head and in my sore back. I’m older, but do not feel wiser.

If I were wiser I’d spend less time on the phone and more time actually face-to-face with the people I spend so much time on the phone with. Here’s were the emotional mess winds its way back, I live far away from the people I talk to on the phone and seeing them would require me to travel. And then I’d wish I was home.

If I were wiser I’d look at the lesson I just presented to myself and figure out a way to be happy with what I have instead of being unhappy with what I don’t.

If I were wiser I would look at the first rose as a reminder that the past year was filled mostly with health and happiness. It would be a reminder that I still have 7 full months to get to my New Year’s resolutions.

The first rose is the first in hundreds that will bring me great joy as I watch them bloom this summer. Great laughs as I watch my Dad weed and dead-head them, while trying to keep my oldest daughter from under foot. Happiness with each whiff of their great rose scent.

But for today, I’m going to sit and feel emotional about the passing of time. Tomorrow, I will get up and cut some fresh roses to bring the joy inside. Then just maybe I’ll start work on my resolutions…

If you're related to me and easily offended stop reading HERE.

2006-04-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

nor·mal (nôr m l)adj. :

Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical.

Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies.

Occurring naturally and not because of disease, inoculation, or any experimental treatment. Used of immunity.

Of, relating to, or being a solution having one gram equivalent weight of solute per liter of solution.

Of, relating to, or being an aliphatic hydrocarbon having a straight and unbranched chain of carbon atoms.

Of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development.

What is normal? Functional? I always thought we were the only normal ones who lived on the street… My husband and I joke with our friends that we are the only normal people they know. But now I’m not so sure.

Weird things happen in my family. I’m talkin’ shit straight out of the Psycho page of the dictionary. I guess I have always been immune or thought myself better than the crazy people in my family. But a few weeks ago, I was in the Twilight Zone and came to the FULL realization that it just might be hereditary. I can’t get away from it. I am one of them.

Observation #1: One of my aunts passed away a couple of months ago. She asked to be cremated and spread out in the desert. Where is she now? In a wood box, within a cardboard box, sitting on another aunt’s credenza. How do I know this? Because when I stopped by the day before Easter alive aunt asked me if I wanted to see dead aunt… My husband, smart man that he is stayed in the car., but when I returned, I was hysterical, no, not crying, laughing. I laughed so hard I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t explain to my husband that dead aunt was hangin’ with alive aunt. Then I started to worry, maybe I was like them.

Observation #2: My 80 year old grandmother called to say she was divorcing her 3rd(!) husband because of his drinking and gambling. Did I ask if she was doing OK? No., I asked if she was joking with me. Then I asked where she was going to live… she replied with alive aunt. Then, because I was now thinking she was crazy I had to ask if alive aunt knew this. After I got off the phone I was hysterical, no, not crying, laughing. I laughed so hard I couldn’t speak. Then I called my Mom to ask if she knew that her mother was getting a divorce. She laughed. See what I’m getting at? It’s hereditary. (Side note: the grandparents have since reconciled.)

Observation #3: I think all of my neighbors’ kids are weird. They freak me out. My mom has always thought her neighbors’ kids are crazy, too.

Observation #4: My cousin, alive aunt’s daughter, asked me if I wanted some of dead aunt’s ashes. I had to ask if she was serious. She said I could put some ashes in a locket so a little piece of dead aunt would always be with me. Then I said what if I get her ass? My cousin didn’t see the humor. I think she’s crazy! My aunt wanted to be spread out in the desert, she didn’t ask for each of us to take ashes and put them in lockets… but maybe I’m the crazy one because all I could think about was getting the piece I didn’t really want.

Observation #5: An aunt on the other side of the family horded mass amounts of household cleaners. After my grandfather passed away, my parents had to clean out his house. My aunt had been living with him for a few years. They found closets full of household cleaners. But the house was not clean, far from it. We were aghast at her craziness. My parents asked if I wanted some of the bottles of new cleaners, I took a lot of them and was giddy with excitement. That was 7 years ago. I still have some of those bottles. I have a housekeeper, she uses her own products. I’m hording household cleaners.

Observation #6: My grandma loves to hear bad news. She relishes it. Then she spreads the news like wildfire. It keeps her breathing. This is the same grandma who was divorcing her husband…. Remember what I did after she told me? I immediately called my mom to spread the news.

I live fairly far from my family and miss my parents everyday. But I REALLY had hoped the distance would sever the crazy strings. But now I know it won’t, the dysfunctionalness is in my blood. My children will be crazy, too. Luckily, I’m just normal enough to blame my husband’s genes…

Who's right?

2006-04-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

Apparently Angelina and Brad have played a pretty good joke on the paparazzi. That's right, she gave an interview yesterday and said she is barely 8 months pregnant. Looks like the paparazzi is a whole month early for the birth of the next “Jesus.” Nothing like making them work for their money.

But what is the truth? She looks ready to pop. Maybe twins? Oh and she also said they know the sex of the baby but aren't sharing. Interesting. What do you think?

Oh and if you care, the interview airs on 'Today' Thursday (7 a.m. ET/PT) and 'Dateline' Sunday (7 p.m. ET/PT). I won’t be watching because I don’t have TV…

I've been sooo busy

2006-04-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been filled with stories. Wonderful, celebrity filled stories. Tom and Katie have had a daughter. I don't really care, but I love all the hoopla surrounding the big news. I'm addicted. I've been searching the internet for more information about them and of course, Brangelina's pending baby has me thrilled and excited.

What will the super-celebrity baby look like? Will it be a boy or a girl? Will the poor thing get stuck with a crazy name like all the other celebrity kids? Suri, Ryder, Apple, Coco, Moxie, Phinneaus, Hazel and Moses, look-out baby Pitt is on the horizon.

For all you mothers out there, can you imagine being hounded by the press as you near the end of your pregnancy. Having to hide from the world in the hopes of having some privacy? I'm sorry for Brad and Angelina... well just a little. I'm one of the suckers that wants pictures and stories, I'm one of those people that add to their frustration. I BUY the crap that pays for the paparazzi's photos.

Long live the celebrities, and bring on super-baby Jolie-Pitt!

This article from the NY Post is VERY telling....

Not Since Jesus

While humanity awaits the arrival of the BRANGELINA BABY, the paparazzi scheme and scramble for a shot at the biggest score of all time.

Sometime in the coming weeks, perhaps as soon as the first week of May, somewhere in the world—probably Paris, but possibly Los Angeles, or maybe even Addis Ababa—Angelina Jolie will bequeath unto the celebrity weeklies a gift so magnificent that, until recently, few imagined such a thing was possible. She will give birth to Brad Pitt’s child.

Not since Jesus has a baby been so eagerly anticipated. Actually, forget Jesus. Only three wise men turned up to greet him in the manger. The Brangelina baby—as the megawatt couple’s spawn is known, at least until its parents give it a proper name—has People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star, and Life&Style (working, of course, on behalf of the millions and millions of readers they serve) awaiting the newborn’s arrival, all of them hoping and scheming and planning to voyage to the ends of the Earth, if that’s what it takes, to get a first—preferably the first—glimpse of the blessed child.

Why are people, and People, so desperate to see the Brangelina baby? The men and women who helm the celebrity weeklies have an easy answer. Their readers, they explain, view celebrities as their friends; and as they would be with any friends, they’re interested in their so-called life events. The big three of life events, the theory goes, are weddings, breakups, and babies—hence the celebrity weeklies’ laserlike focus on celebrity weddings, celebrity divorces, and celebrity babies.

But even for a life event, celebrity-weekly editors go on to explain, the Brangelina baby is particularly enticing. For one, there’s the simple matter of aesthetics. “The parents happen to be two of the most gorgeous people on the planet. How gorgeous is that baby going to be?” wonders Bonnie Fuller, the editorial director of American Media, whose stable of magazines includes Star. Dan Wakeford, an executive editor of In Touch, offers a tentative answer: “This could possibly be the most beautiful baby in the history of the world.” Even more than looks, there’s the backstory. “There’d be a lot of interest if it was Jennifer Aniston’s baby,” explains an editor at one celebrity weekly, “but with Brangelina, there’s that extra factor that the Hollywood golden couple was broken up so that this relationship, and this baby, could happen . . . I mean, this is the baby Jen wouldn’t give Brad, and the fact that it’s Angelina giving it to him—my feeble little mind can barely handle it!”

In that sense, the birth marks the end of a modern fairy tale, the sentimental made-for-TV-movie moment of the happy new family in their cocoon of bliss (and for added narrative pleasure, there’s poor Aniston off smoking and getting naked in a bad-looking movie with chubby Vince Vaughn). Whoever contrives to get the shot of the gorgeous Pitt-Jolie offspring will not only enjoy a lucrative windfall. They’ll give us the closure we all crave, while throwing open the door to the next serial fairy tale (the inevitable marital bumps, etc.) that will delight and/or disgust millions of us around the world—and sell a ton of magazines. But first, the photo, or what Debra Birnbaum, the deputy editor of Life&Style, calls “the Holy Grail of celebrity journalism.”

My husband is not a dick

2006-03-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

But last night he was. As usual, he had a full day at work. At 5:30 he called to say he was stopping by a friend’s house to help him do whatever-it-is-that-men-do-together-while-having-a-beer-after-work. He came home at 7:00 PM, ate dinner…. Then did the worst thing he could. He asked why I was acting like I was tired… WTF! I had just spent 12 hours alone with two kids under the age of 4! I needed a break. Then this is where he became a TRUE dick. He said, “What about me, don’t you think I want to come home and relax for a few minutes?”

Unfortunately I did not have a gun, nor did my look kill him. WTF was the time he spent between 5:30-7:00 pm? Hey buddy that was your “FEW” minutes to relax!

I sometimes fantasize about getting up on a Saturday morning and just leaving. No not LEAVE, but just get up and go without asking if he minds staying with the kids. Wouldn’t that be funny? I mean he leaves everyday without asking if I mind, including Saturday and Sunday. When are my days off? Or better yet? When do I get a few minutes off? I’m on 24/7. If one kid wakes up in the middle of the night who gets up? ME, why? Because it’s my JOB! My job that never ends. I can’t go home and leave the “work” behind. They follow me. They find me even while taking a shit. I’m never alone. I can lock the door, but I can still hear them crying just outside of the door.

Luckily, 99% of the time I love my job. And I have this wonderful job because my husband is a hardworking guy. I really do appreciate that he needs a few minutes to relax. He just needs to learn to read my mind (a simple task!) and recognize that some nights it’s OK to say it and some nights he best keep those evil thoughts to himself.

I'm back

2006-03-29T09:14:00.000-08:00

One month of no blogging has turned into nearly two… but alas, I think I have found the time to return to my blog. Mike and I sat down and have somewhat formulated a schedule for our family. (Nanny 911 style!) Hopefully, this little schedule will help me not waste time and will help Mike remember to help me!

Coming up with a schedule has been a work in progress. We began by writing down everything I do in a day… let’s see, I get up, brush my teeth, wash my face and start a load of laundry, then I get the kids going, more brushing of teeth (theirs not mine) and then I make breakfast. This is where my day goes to hell. Why? Because I sit down at my computer to eat breakfast and spend at least an hour reading the news and all of your blogs! I forget that I need to switch the laundry (FlyLady says there are 5 steps, I only make it to #2- Wash). Then I feel like buying something. So I get in the shower with both kids, get dressed; load everyone into the car and then shop. By time I return home, the day is almost over and it’s time to throw something together for dinner. Sometimes I even forget that I’ve bought stuff and leave it in the car. See why I needed a schedule?

From day to day I can’t remember what needs to be done. I get caught in a need to be perfect, so I give up. The worst part? While out and about we eat lunch at McDonald’s or Del Taco or some other fast food joint. I’m slowly turning both my kids into me. Yikes!

So now I’m trying out the schedule. It seems to keep me on better track and we haven’t had a fast food lunch in a couple of weeks. Of course, this means I have to come up with not just dinner everyday but also a lunch! On Sunday evenings, Mike and I sit down and plan the next week’s dinners. We go through our cookbooks and find one new recipe to try. Last week’s new dinner was wonderful and healthy and very low stress! While coming up with a menu, I make a shopping list for the week. Now I don’t have to make three tips to the grocery store and one to Costco.

The schedule has actually created more time for me. I do not feel guilty for the hour I spend on the computer every morning because the time is assigned for just that. Hayden happily eats her breakfast and watches me while Dylan watches a video. (We don’t have regular TV so she is stuck with a DVD instead.) Mornings are very peaceful. I don’t have the push to get stuff done anymore. If it’s not scheduled I don’t worry about it.

Last night I finished a book. Last week I walked 40 minutes on my treadmill three times. I feel productive again.

What I've learned about blogging

2006-02-08T09:06:00.000-08:00

Over the past few months I have spent an enormous amount of time on blog sites. I just haven't spent much time on my own. Why? I don't really have time. I can catch up with blogging friends in between naps, laundry and running errands, but trying to piece together my own thoughts is too much most days. My need for perfectionism paralyzes my writing. I want to post pictures, but my husband often has the camera for work. I want to write down the funny things Dylan says, but when I do, blogger isn’t working. There is always an excuse. So I’m taking a break. A short one, to come up with a schedule for my family that allows me time to write. Come back in a month and hopefully I’ll be back in business. But in the mean time, enjoy this cute picture of my two girls! :)

Let the insanity begin

2006-01-16T17:18:00.000-08:00

I'm the Matron of Honor for my best friend's wedding. She just recently became engaged. I'm thrilled. She's an important attorney for T-Mobile and has zero time to plan a wedding. I offered to help, like I have time... but alas, she is my best friend and I'd do just about anything for her. Wish me luck! My friends in the East Bay, North Bay and SF, any suggestions, favorites, etc?

By the way...

2006-01-13T09:48:00.000-08:00

It's National De-Lurking Week. That means if you read this blog you must comment. Check-out www.papernapkin.typepad.com.

Why are some days so hard?

2006-01-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

Dylan is sick. Puking sick and I really don't do well with vomit. I actually feel like vomiting myself just thinking about it. I'm sick, Hayden is sick and Mike if feeling pretty low too. What a shitty day.

The worst part of it all? The sadness I feel for Dylan this morning. Her best friend from school, Dillon "the boy," was supposed to come over this morning to play. It was going to be the first time and we have had it planned for over a week. Everyday she gets up and asks if it's Friday. This morning she said to me, "its Friday today isn't it? I'm sick; and Dillon "the boy" can’t come play can he?" I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for me. Waaaahhhh!

Dillon “the boy” is a cutey… Dylan took this picture of him at her school’s Christmas show.

I wish, I wish for....

2006-01-06T12:26:00.000-08:00

While visiting my parents in sunny Southern California at Christmas the weather was in the mid 80's. So everyday, without fail, the ice cream man made his way down the street and Dylan would start screaming like Eddie Murphy in Delirious. She LOVED the ice cream man.

On the fourth day of our visit, Dylan picked a Dandelion “wish” and said, “I wish, I wish the ice cream man would come to my house.” This will never happen; we live on a dirt road far from civilization. Poor kid. Who knew I could feel such guilt for such a simple thing?

Why me, why me, why me?

2006-01-04T19:59:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here trying to be clever and all I can think of is the damned dog, Darlin', laying behind me. She's currently making that yucky licking sound over and over again. She's deaf so yelling at her doesn't work all though I have tried. I just stamped the floor near her head with no response. Ten minutes of licking. I can’t think. I can only hear the constant sound of licking dog.

She likes me best this time of night because I sneak her leftovers .The dog stopped licking long enough for me to take her picture, then she promptly farted and left the room. Bitch!

Non perfect holiday season

2005-12-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

I’m tired of all the e-mails I have received (personal and junk) this past week about the STRESS of the season. My MOMS club sends daily emails about upcoming events, etc. and all this week they have said things like, "If you're stressed out with things..." and another that started with, "I know we're all so busy with the holiday season...," it's as though as wives, mothers, and just women in general we strive to make this season perfect. But there is no such thing, because by putting pressure on ourselves the "perfectness" disappears. Yuck! I’m going for the non-stress holiday! No perfection here!

I had a helper his year decorating the tree. I always have a beautiful tree. Many years ago, I purchased amazing ornaments at I. Magnin and have always been proud of my tree. This year I cheated. And the product is better than ever. I started with K-Mart/ Martha Stewart bulbs and handed them to my three year old. She put them up so lovingly. The season’s cheer has been recaptured. She had so much fun putting up the ribbon and lights. She put flowers on the tree and added the angel to the top. You certainly won’t find my tree in any magazine, but I really think this is the most beautifully decorated tree ever!

Last night Dylan had her first ever school Christmas show! Wow! I felt so grown-up watching my own child perform on stage. She was super cute and garnered the first “aaahhh” from the crowd after she perfectly said “F is for Frankincense” into a microphone. She was so damned cute!

A Thanksgiving toast from my three year old

2005-11-27T09:04:00.000-08:00

The night before Thanksgiving, as Dylan was getting ready for bed I tried explaining Thanksgiving to her. I told her it was a day to celebrate all that we are thankful for. She surprised me by saying she was thankful for me, her Dad, and Hayden. Then she went on a ten minute spree of "I'm sankful for... trees, rocks, horses, dogs, cats, go-gurt." You name it, she said it. She was so cute. As she climbed into bed I asked her if she would like to say the toast for Thanksgiving dinner and she said she did, then she went to sleep.

At dinner, she was seated with her napkin in her lap ten minutes before the food was on the table. She was starved and couldn't wait to toast. Her toast was perfect. She help up her wine glass filled with sparkling cider and said, "I am sankful for the moonlight that shines in my room and onto the floor. CHEERS!" I felt like weeping. What a wonderful thing to be thankful for.

I don't really have time to write but...

2005-11-24T09:20:00.000-08:00

I was just drinking my morning cup of coffee and listening to Hayden talk to a toy. Then I looked out the window as Dylan scurried by and I realized today really is the perfect day to celebrate all that we are thankful for. My list could go on for miles! My family, friends, health, and happiness all deserve a day of celebration. Thanks does not actually do justice to how I feel at this moment, suffice it to say, I am happy and humbled to be a part of my own life! :) Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

The Happiest Place on Earth

2005-11-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

One of the myriad benefits of having children is once again seeing things as a child. The innocence and believability of all things great and small becomes real again through the eyes of our children. For instance, as we grow older, Christmas often loses its luster as we focus on the negative aspects of the holiday: budgeting gifts, wrapping those gifts, spreading ourselves thin as we try to visit ALL the relatives, losing the extra pounds gained, etc. etc. But now that I have children, especially one that truly believes in Santa, the holiday has a renewed beauty. Disneyland regained the same luster when we took Dylan for her first trip last week.

The colors were brighter, the people nicer and everywhere I looked I saw magic. I felt positively giddy when I saw the castle and wanted to shriek when I saw princess characters floating about. We bought Dylan an autograph book for meeting the characters, but really I felt like I wanted my own.

In all the years that I have visited Disneyland, this was the first time I actually watched the fireworks show (back in the day it was the BEST time to ride rides because everyone else was watching the show!) and I actually felt like weeping. The beauty and surprise of the fireworks left me feeling astounded.

The carousel held new magnificence to my childlike eyes and I rode right along with Dylan and my sister-in-law, Ileene. It has been years since I actually rode one; I normally stand next to Dylan, now she’s big enough to ride alone, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to feel the magic too.

I couldn’t tell Dylan no, when she wanted something I bought it… or my brother, Tommy did! I was brokenhearted when she lost a Tinkerbelle toy, and then promptly bought her another.

I could have watched her on the teacups for the rest of my life and then died a happy person. Then I rode them with her and life somehow became even better. She screamed and laughed; I screamed and laughed, too.

Watching Dylan’s face light up when she first saw Pluto made me feel like I might explode with gratitude. I’m not a big believer in God, but I thanked whomever for allowing me to be there for that exact moment in her life.

Disneyland is magical. Thank you, Dylan, for helping me to SEE again!

I'd rather be shopping at Nordstrom?

2005-10-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

Mike and I went to the mall today, the first time in about 2 years. Seriously. The mall is not close so going there is more work than it's worth. I tend to shop online because nothing beats having goodies show up on your door step! So we were shopping for Mike. Seriously. (Isn't this funny, first we go to the mall and then it's not for me. Sucks.) While shopping I was reminded of a really good lesson: Everything is better at Nordstrom. (Or insert Saks or Bloomingdales) It's true.

We went for something casual yet a little dressier than the usual Old Navy fare. Tommy Bahama fit the bill. Nordstrom had everything hung by color. Lovely. The salesperson was a nice guy and had been in retail for 40 years. Knew his stuff, helped Mike find a great shirt and pants. Within a few minutes a tailor showed up to shorten the pants and then we were done. EASY!

Then we went to Macy's and they had an entire section of Tommy Bahama as well. Not by color and everything was STUFFED to the brim in a section that felt dirty. No one asked us if we needed help. AND the prices were exactly the same. Why even bother?

I probably sound like a snob, but the truth is why shop in a store (Macys) that feels gross and crammed when you can shop in a store (Nordstrom) that feels clean, the salespeople are kind and informed, and the prices are the same???

Dads and daughters

2005-10-06T17:29:00.000-07:00

What is it about the special bond between dads and daughters? I spend all day tending to my girls and the second dad arrives I'm chopped liver. Don't get me wrong, I like the fact that Dylan ignores me once Mike gets home, (I get a much deseved break!) but I do feel a bit like calling her a traitor.

My husband really is the best dad in the world. OK maybe not the best, my own dad holds that title, but a REALLY close second. He helps me often and makes it possible for me to stay home, oh, and he's hot, too!

How to make me break the rules and then laugh about it

2005-10-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

With a little voice say "Please, Mommy, stay with me, I think I'm afraid of the dark and you can cuddle with me for three minutes." Three minutes later say "Please don't breath that way at me, I don't like your breath because it stinks."

War

2005-10-02T20:53:00.000-07:00

I just read an ARTICLE on yahoo about a young Marine who lost every person in his platoon. The article broke my heart. The last line: "I think the most frustrating thing is there's no sense of accomplishment," Williams said. "You're biding your time and waiting. But then you lose your friends, and it's not even for their own country's freedom," sent a chill through my soul.

I'm not a political person. I vote and I pay attention to what I'm voting for, but for the most part, I'm apathetic. I don't have a TV nor do I subscribe to a newspaper so the daily news escapes me. I catch only the top headlines online and rarely actually read the articles. I get all the information I need just reading headlines. I really shouldn't be writing about war because I have zero information on the subject. I just have my emotional state that has me very upset right now.

Why are we in Iraq? If we "won" the war 36 days into it three and a half years ago, why do I read a headline about it nearly everyday? And the headlines are NEVER positive. There is always some sort of count about how many people we have lost. And all for what? To “win?” Win what?

I believe in the United States, I believe in freedom. I don’t think we should be in Iraq but I do wholeheartedly support our soldiers there. But I’m afraid for these young soldiers. They have their entire lives ahead of them and they are fighting for something that may never come to fruition.

War is so archaic. We send people to kill other people. Put them right in the line of fire. This is the same thing ancient civilizations did. Haven’t we moved passed this stage? Isn’t there a more technologically advanced way to wage war that keeps people out of the line of fire? I just can’t comprehend this. I have a VERY hard time wrapping my mind around killing people to “win.”

Thank you to every soldier who has fought on behalf of our country. And thank you to the families who have been home while their brave family member fought elsewhere.

My dad (that's him in the picture) fought in Vietnam. He married my mom a few days before he left… she was a senior in high school. While he fought in the jungle she twirled flags in the drill team. He was so young. I can’t imagine what he saw. We have only spoken about it on a handful of occasions. Mostly he talks about the beautiful sunsets and countryside. I don’t really want to know more because I love my Dad and never want him to have to relive any of the time he spent in Vietnam.

I remember as a kid around 7, overhearing my mom telling someone that my dad sometimes had nightmares. My dad was 32. The same age I am now. He had already lived an entire lifetime by time he was 20 years old. Somehow my Dad survived Vietnam as a normal, kind person. He didn’t have to. He lost friends and shot people. He has every right to be insane and hateful. (Thank you, DAD, for being a wonderful person!)

I wish there were someway to stop this insanity. Not just in Iraq, but other places in the world. War is useless and wasteful.

F@$% Mom, What the Hell?

2005-09-12T20:24:00.000-07:00

I'm a curser; I love to use the f-word. I have friends who encourage me to use foul language liberally. I love to cuss and I really don't see anything wrong with it. Words are just that: WORDS. A couple of days ago I was rushing Dylan out of the bathtub; as usual I was running late. I told her to HURRY! She looked at me with this look, put her hands up and out and said, "Fuck, mom, what the hell?" Sorry to say, but I laughed because I felt the same way. There goes my “Mother of the Year” award.
.

It's hard being 3 months old

2005-09-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

It's been a tough day, playing, eating and pooping. Must Sleep!

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...

2005-09-10T17:24:00.000-07:00

OK, so maybe that's not exactly a true statement, but I am feeling a little like Christmas is nearly here because, get this; I'm done with ALL of my Christmas shopping. Yes, I said done! Last year I ran around like a mad woman a week before Christmas and spent all sorts of money on really stupid gifts because I felt desperate. This year, I came up with a list a couple of months ago and started pulling cool gift ideas from the internet and from catalogs. Then I went on a hunt and found everything I was hoping to. By shopping without fear or desperation along with every other American, I saved myself about $800. Yes, I spent $800 less this year than I did last year!!! Wait, I guess that isn't really true because I bought new couches yesterday and figured I would use the Christmas "savings" as a good reason to make the purchase!

The many faces of Hayden

2005-09-07T15:33:00.000-07:00

Hayden's Room is nearly finished

2005-09-05T16:56:00.000-07:00

OK, so Hayden is more than three months old and we're finally getting her room finished. Odd considering Dylan's room was finished three months BEFORE we had her. My how things change with the second child. I'm thrilled that Hayden's room has the personal touches that make it all her own. She's a lucky little girl!

Check out the view from her window. (This is our front "yard.") There are deer everyday. Grey squirrels that play tag and rabbits that run all over... we even have a resident skunk, although we haven't actually SEEN it.. just smelled it. :)

A rite of passage for mother and daughter

2005-09-01T17:19:00.000-07:00

Dylan started preschool today. This is one of those events that nothing can really prepare you for. I thought I was prepared; I researched schools, visited each one, interviewed each director, watched Dylan at each school and eventually chose one that happens to be the only accredited preschool in town. What does it all mean? Nothing. All the preparation and research means shit when you actually have to leave your child in the care of someone you realize you barely know. Sure I spent an entire day there, sure the school comes highly recommended by many people, but I still felt really sad leaving Dylan today. I cried all the way home.

Last night, she wanted to know when she was going to get to go back to school (Tuesday was orientation so we spent the day there, but I had to stay with her). I told her “Tomorrow.” She asked if I was going to leave her like Blanks mom leaves her at school. I told her, yes, that is how school works. We go together, then she gets to stay and play with her friends and then I will be back soon to pick her up. She said, hummmm I will be REALLY sad if you leave me like Blank’s mom does. Dylan was obviously apprehensive, she must have spoken to Blank and Blank must have told her a few stories… (not surprising since Blank also told her our horse died from eating a poison apple…)

Anyway, Dylan did really well this morning. She was so excited to take her backpack filled with paperwork and “Sir Trenton,” a plastic horse for sharing. She walked right up to the director, opened her backpack and handed over the paperwork, she then told her about Sir Trenton. Dylan’s teacher asked her to put her sharing object in the sharing basket and I thought, uh-oh, she is not going to easily give up that horse, but surprise, she handed him right over! Good girl! Then she sat down with the other kids and started working on a project with scissors. She looked liked a seasoned preschooler. I walked up, kissed her, said I would pick her up after school and she said, “Mommy, NO!” Then she looked down at her scissors and realized she had to make a decision, go home with me because I was walking out, or stay and play with the scissors… she said, “OK, you can go.” The end. No tears, no whining, no wave goodbye. Just a happy, well-adjusted kid ready to explore school.

I got in the car and tried really hard not to run over any kids because I couldn’t see through my tears.

I'm jealous of an 18 year old...

2005-08-18T14:42:00.000-07:00

Mike’s youngest sister, Kelsey, is about to embark on one of life’s greatest journeys: College. And yes, I feel the little green jealousy monster rearing her ugly head. I’m not really jealous in a bad way, just envious of all the excitement she has in store over the next four (or is it five?) years. She has so much to look forward to, so many exciting things, so many wonderful surprises… I know I have cool stuff to look forward too… I mean my life isn’t all boring; I know Hayden will blowout a diaper today, but who knows when, see, there is some excitement, especially if it happens in the car on the way someplace, and I didn’t remember to pack an extra outfit… Anywho, I’m green-eyed of all these things Kelsey has to look forward to:

Leaving home for the first time and realizing you will actually miss your parents.
Realizing how much your parents are going to miss you and how lucky you are that they will.
Meeting and getting to know your room mate.
Getting to know a new town. (She’s going to UC Santa Barbara! Imagine the fun…)
Missing the town you couldn’t wait to get away from.
No curfew.
Meeting many new people, especially hot guys… (now I’m REALLY feeling green)
The laughter that goes with meeting new people.
Falling in love.
First kisses.
Realizing your old boyfriend wasn’t really “all that.”
Seeing the sun rise after an all-nighter. (Drinking or studying.)
Being able to stay up all night for three days in a row.
Road trips!
No responsibilities other than getting to class on-time.
Learning something new everyday you go to class.
Opportunities to try new things without fear of failure.
Being exposed to new things you’d never have tried if you hadn’t met new people. (I never had an artichoke or broccoli before I met Mike…)
Needing money and it magically appears.
Going mud sliding because you can.
Having no place to be, but having a thousand places you could go.
Parties for no reason. (No RSVP’ing, no hors d’ouvres, no yucky wine, no mean-spirited gossiping.)
Celebrating birthdays, break-ups, hook-ups and getting to class on time.
Girl’s night!

What Dylan thinks of me

2005-08-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

I saw this posted on another Blog and thought it would be really cool to ask Dylan these questions. I hope to do this again next year to see how different her answers will be.

1. Something I always say to you? “Ummm, I love you”
2. What makes me happy? “Me!”
3. What makes me sad? “Hitting”
4. How do I make you laugh? “Tickle.”
5. What was I like as a child? “Go to school”
6. How old am I? “2”
7. How tall am I? “Big to ride the roller coasters.”
8. What is my favorite thing to do? “Feed the dogs” (Which I never do...)
9. What do I do when you are asleep? “Tickle me”
10. What would I be famous for? (What am I REALLY good at?) “Putting my horse on me”
11. What am I not very good at? “playing on my Dad’s computer makes me mad”
12. What do I do for my job? “Push some buttons on the computer.”
13. What is my favorite food? “Watermelon and ice cream.”
14. What makes you proud of me? “dessert” (I think she was still thinking of the last answer…)
15. If I was a cartoon character, who would I be? “a ghost”
16. What do you and I do together? “go to swim lessons.”
17. How are you and I the same? “we work together”
18. How are you and I different? “look like my dad.”
19. How do you know I love you? “Tell me.”
20. How long have Mom & Dad known each other? “2 years”

My newest addiction

2005-08-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

This past January, Mike and I had our satellite turned off because we felt that TV had taken over our lives. We ate dinner on TV trays nearly every night and rarely ever had an actual conversation... so bye-bye TV... well, when Hayden came along I felt slightly insane every time I sat to nurse her. She was nursing often I felt like I just sat on the couch for hours on end. I would look at the clock and only three minutes would have passed. I didn’t have this problem with Dylan because I had TV then. I’d plop myself down, turn on the TV, find some crazy decorating show, or Real World re-run, and then Dylan would be done before I knew it.

When I told Mike how crazy I was feeling he suggested I look out the window and watch the birds… Instead I signed up for Netflix.

Low and behold I’ve found “The OC.” Now for all of you who have not watched this show (OK I may be the only person who has never watched this show before…) the main character is from my hometown of Chino.

So I thought the first episode was funny… that was on Wednesday, I’ve now plowed through the first four discs, that’s 16 episodes, I’m addicted. Last night I dreamt about the characters like they were friends.

Mike is sitting in the living room right now reading and I’m going crazy because I know he’ll sneer at me if I ask him if he minds if I turn on the TV. I don’t even want to talk on the phone or play on the computer I’m itching to start the next disc. I want to know what my friends’ from Newport are doing, I miss them.

I've been tagged...

2005-08-11T23:05:00.000-07:00

Carrie tagged me for this Meme Challenge. It's my first time....so here goes....

idiosyncracy: structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group. write down five of your idiosyncracies. then, if you wish, tag five people.

I have never purposefully passed gas in front of my husband whom I have known for nearly 15 years... (this may explain why I had sooo much gas pain after my first c-section... I was smart and booted him from the room often after having my second!)
Putting sunscreen on anyone other than my children totally grosses me out. Please NEVER ask me to put it on your back. I will be so disgusted I won't even be able to say the word no because I will have already envisioned myself doing it.
Feet are scary. Well other people's feet are scary, mine are cute. But I don't like them to be touched. I've only had five pedicures in my life because I can't stand to have my little piggies played with.
All cans/ bottles in the refridgerator and cabinets must face forward at exactly the same angle.
When making long car trips I refuse to stop more than once... during that stop I get gas for the car, food and use the bathroom. I feel REALLY annoyed when I have to stop more than that for restroom breaks. I have actually warned people who make the trek with me between So. Cal. and Nor Cal that I will not stop so they shouldn't drink anything before the trip. The first trip I took with Dylan after she was potty trained was payback for all the years I refused to stop for other people because I had to stop every 30 minutes...

My name is Kathy and I’m a celebrity junkie…

2005-08-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, it’s true; I’m overly fascinated with the lives of celebrities. I have an addiction to my weekly subscription to People magazine and I spend hours online reading about the latest Brad and Angelina sighting.

And now you enter my fantasy…I’m walking along a pristine beach with my dog, Willow, she has a ball in her mouth and is dying to chase it… she just needs someone to throw it for her. I’m tiny and cute with just the right windblown look to my hair. I’m dressed perfectly for an afternoon at the beach enjoying the sand (which I really hate, but for the purposes of this fantasy I like), the sun and every once in a while a dip my toe in the perfect water. Then tada…. Brad Pitt

He can’t stand that my REALLY cute dog wants to play and he cheerfully offers to throw her ball. Then for the next three hours (as if Willow could run for more than three minutes, but this is a fantasy) Brad Pitt throws the ball into the surf while he and I get to know one another… then regretfully he has to go, his personal assistant has just quit to work for someone else and he has interviews set-up for a new one… I offer my number and quickly explain that I’ve been an event planner and could easily handle details of his personal life.

Boom, he offers me the job on the spot. I then explain I’m married with two kids and two more dogs. He asks what my husband does; I say he’s a general contractor, perfect because my husband can have a job, too. Brad’s a budding architect and he has plenty to build. I just have to name my price… oh and he has a second home at his Malibu estate perfect for a family of four. No, he doesn’t mind me bringing my kids to work, hell I can even bring Willow everyday if I’d like. No, I don’t have to travel with him, but I’m welcome to join him when the timing suits me.

And then back to reality, the sound of Hayden’s swing, back and forth, back and forth. Mike walks in and wants to know what I’m doing. I must have blushed because when I tell him I’m writing my blog he smiles and asks if I’m writing about him. I confess that I’m actually writing about Brad Pitt. I could have fibbed but he’ll read this at some point and know the truth.

See, I’m certifiably addicted; I’ve spent hours thinking of similar alternatives to this fantasy. I don’t want to be WITH a celebrity, just near one. Not sure why. The truth is I’d probably spew my lunch on the poor guy if I ever did run into him. I’d never be able to hold a conversation and my hair would NEVER have that perfect windblown look.

Dogs and dirt

2005-08-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

Dylan was really quiet last night while Mike and I made dinner. As you probably know, silence is never a good thing. Mike went in search of our child who is never silent... he found her on the side of the house with a very unhappy dog, both were covered in dirt. Poor Willow was just laying there afraid to move. I should preface this with the fact that Dylan loves to play in the dirt and Willow is too dumb to know she can walk away from anything Dylan pulls her into. That being said, I love the fact that Dylan has three playmates at all times. Unfortunately for Willow, she is the favorite because she doesn't know she can say no. Dylan just drags her around and then tells Willow to sit, stay, lay down or whatever. Willow is so sweet she just does as she is told.

Our dogs have gone through some major transitions over the past few months. All three dogs have been indoor dogs since day one, and all three have had beds in our room. In March we had new carpet put in our bedrooms and the dogs suddenly found themselves booted from our room and found their beds in the living room instead. Willow was the only one who had a hard time with this change… she is always at my feet so sleeping in another room nearly sent her over the edge.

Poor Willow was the cause of the next change… the day I had my carpet cleaned in the living room, Willow came bolting in with red clay mud all over her feet, she was just excited to see me, but I was so mad I made the decision right then and there that the dogs needed to stay outside! Again this change was hardest on Willow. I felt terrible because our dogs really are used to being near us all the time.

About a month ago, after the dogs had totally ruined our new lawn in the backyard, (They had about an acre but chose to ruin the little patch of new grass…) Mike put up a fence that cuts our backyard in half. Guess which side the dogs are in? I like the change because I don’t have dog hair floating around all the time and I no longer have to worry about dog poop!

I feel sorry for Hayden because I’m afraid she won’t have the same relationship with the dogs as Dylan does. When I look back at videos of Dylan as an infant there is always a dog in the picture. When she learned to crawl a big incentive was to catch a dog’s tail. All three dogs were like siblings to Dylan and now Hayden has only had minimal contact with them, you know, out of sight, out of mind…

A good day

2005-08-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today has been a good day... For the first time in two months I was able to jump on the trampoline with Dylan! OK we didn’t really jump, we actually rode racehorses. I was the jockey for Seabiscuit and Dylan was the jockey for Crazy Cornut. We raced in circles for almost an hour. Luckily today’s weather is beautiful so we didn’t get too hot.

Every race started with Dylan directing me… “Stand here, their in the gate and their off!!! Run Mommy, run!” Admittedly, I would not be able to keep up with her if we were not on the trampoline because she is really fast, even with a stick horse between her little legs. The trampoline gives me the edge because I can take longer strides! I like to win, but Dylan just likes to race.

A couple of weeks ago she was racing Seabiscuit and repeated a few lines from the movie… “You son-of-a-bitch, you cut me off, how does that feel…?” Over and over again, up and down the hall she raced and yelled at the other imaginary jockey. Luckily my Mom intervened and suggested she say you son-of-a-gun instead. Mike and I were too far in laughter to actually do anything about it. And here I thought the movie (her favorite) was safe for a child! Haha, joke was on us. She picked up one of only two or three swear words in the whole movie!

The picture I have included today is Dylan riding on her saddle with Seabiscuit, one of her stick horses, stuck under it. She says she wants to be a jockey when she grows up and I believe she just might do it!

Changing the world

2005-08-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

Fifteen years ago I thought I would change the world. I went to college, partied my way to a Bachelor degree and came out swinging... I had a great job in San Francisco and thought I was on my way to making a mark. After three years as a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM), I've had to change my perspective.

After having Dylan, I went back to work for four months, but it was really hard for me. Although I worked from home, the challenge of having a child and working in the same place was not easy to master. I felt like I was doing both jobs poorly. Every conference call was interrupted by a hungry baby and every feeding was interrupted by a business call. I felt guilt all the way around. Every time I was working I was thinking of the time I was missing with Dylan and every time I took time to play with her, I thought of the work piling up on my desk or the zillion emails I had to return. I was never fully present in either endeavor.

I never wanted to be a SAHM, but one of the multitudes of reasons we moved to BFE (other wise known as Shingle Springs) was so I could have a choice if I wanted to. (If we had stayed in the Bay Area, I’d probably still be working full time.)

So deciding to stay home was somewhat of a blow to my ego. What had I gone to college for? Why did I bother working my way up the food chain while employed? For the first couple of months I found myself explaining to people I had just met that although I was JUST a SAHM, I had been someone important with a “Real” job before having a child. I met other women who did the same thing. Conversations went like this…

“Hi, I’m Dylan’s mom. But I used to be an events coordinator. I worked with some really great people like Calvin Klein and Donna Karan. Now I change diapers and cook really shitty dinners… no pun intended.”

For a short time I thought I wouldn’t actually survive the transition, my bruised ego couldn’t handle the story lines I made-up in my own head: Would my parents feel ashamed that they had forked out thousands of dollars for college and I am now JUST a SAHM? Would my husband really expect me to clean my own house? (Something my own mother has never done…) Was I really going to cook every meal?

The truth is, now I realize what my life as a SAHM is all about. It’s simple… maybe my children will change the world, or maybe their children will, not necessarily by doing great things but by being kind people. Simply put, my “job” is to raise people who will contribute to society in a positive way. It doesn’t matter to me how they do it, just as long as they are happy. My family is much happier with me being responsible for the two children we chose to have. Nobody else is raising my kids and I know our values and morals will be instilled in my children simply because they are with me everyday. Sure Dylan is known to say Shit every time she drops something, but that’s OK with me because I know exactly who she learned it from.

And with this epiphany comes the great unburdening of guilt. My made-up story lines never came true. My parents don’t feel disappointed in me for not using my degree everyday; without it, I never would have met Mike and had two wonderful girls. I would not have met so many close friends and I certainly would not have known how to run my husband’s business. I have a housekeeper because God knows I hate trying to clean my house. And Mike rarely complains that we eat the same four things every week or that at least one of those meals typically has something burned…

I haven’t shamed or disappointed anybody with my decision to stay home; instead my “job” is adding two great people to the world!

Sleep

2005-07-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

Over the past couple of nights I have actually had the luxury of sleep! Full nights of it. Hayden has started sleeping from 10:00 pm to 6:00 am and then she goes back to sleep until 9:00 am. Yippee! I feel like a new woman. I can concentrate better and feel more able to handle Dylan's little outbursts. Actually, she hasn't had one for a couple of days... hum?!?! I'm sure she's sleeping better, too. I really think her sleep was interrupted when she would hear Hayden cry in the middle of the night.

Luckily we are all rested and happy because today I'm flying with Hayden and Dylan to visit my parents in So. Cal. Having two happy kids will make the trip and the visit so much easier. Hopefully I'm not counting my chickens too soon and Hayden will continue to sleep through the night.

Dylan slept though the night at six weeks and didn't start waking up in the middle of the night until she was two and potty trained. She still will get up every few nights to use the bathroom but luckily she can do it mostly by herself and just requires an audience rather than actual help. We've tried limiting water before bed but, like me, she loves to drink water throughout the night.

So I'm off on a flying adventure today... should be fun!

Ode to the Waterslide

2005-07-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

For Dylan's 3rd birthday last month, Mike's dad sent her an enormous waterslide! Lucky kid. Watching her slide down over and over again reminded me of my own child hood and the places we used to go to ride the water slide. I remember the excitement associated with knowing where we were headed.

I actually remember my first water slide. It was at a place off the 60 fwy in So. Cal that also had miniature golf, race cars, etc. I must have been fairly small because I had to ride with my brother. The experience began at the bottom of a fake mountain where we grabbed a yellow, squishy pad to ride down on, we slowly hiked up the stairs and waited in line. My brother told me not to cry or he wouldn't take me again. (Funny to think how kind he is now as an adult...) The ride was exhilarating and so much fun! The water up my nose didn't even scare me. I remember my Dad went with me the next time because my brother didn't really want to ride double again.

Years later we often went to Raging Waters and it was more of a place to pick-up boys. During those teen years I never once thought twice about wearing a bikini to the water park. My how times have changed. As much as I love the thrill of the waterslides, you wouldn't catch me dead wearing a bathing suit without some sort of cover-up at one of those water parks now. Lucky for me, my father-in-law was creative enough to send Dylan her own waterslide so I shouldn't have to visit a water park for a few more years!!!!

Rosebud

2005-07-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Hayden loves taking baths. She loves to splash and squeal in the water. She coos, giggles and snorts while kicking as fast as she can. I love to watch her enjoy the bath. We are so lucky to have another baby that loves the water.

My TWO kids

2005-07-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

When Mike and I first had Dylan, I thought the adjustment from having no kids to having one wasn't that hard. I expected the adjustment from having one to two to be a little harder but not too bad. I really am a smart person and would like to blame that last statement on sleep deprivation or pregnancy brain or whatever. Because now that I have two I must admit the adjustment to having two is much harder than the adjustment to having one.

I have to qualify this all by stating that the things I thought would be hard are very easy, but I had no idea the time commitment would triple rather than double... or at least that's how it feels. With just one I had tons of down time thanks to naps. Now that just doesn't ring true. If Dylan takes a nap, Hayden is usually awake. Luckily Mike and I make a decent team. One of us can typically pick up where the other leaves off. I have a new found respect for single mothers who have more than one child. One set of hands just isn't enough.

From experience, I know how fast this time with Hayden as an infant is going to go, so I remind myself each morning to enjoy the ride. This gentle reminder makes each day easier and helps me to forget the downtime I used to crave.

Did I say Double D's? I meant Triple D's

2005-07-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

Same kid- new day, yes she's still daring and darling, but now I have to add DEMON to the list. I've just spent three days with my dear friend Shelli in her new home in Pacifica. Two months ago this same trip would have been a wonderful chance to catch up with Shelli; we would have gabbed and gossiped all hours of the night. Instead we were outnumbered by kids. Now that I have two and she has one (the cutest little boy named Joe) we spent more time corralling kids then actually speaking to one another. We sounded like broken records as we tried to tell one another stories but due to the constant interruptions, had to keep starting over.

Dylan was a demon the entire time. OK maybe not the entire time, she did sleep. Really, she was like a child I had never meant before. If I was blind I would have swore on the bible she was not mine. She screamed like a banshee, forgot what sharing was, and was demanding. I had to constantly remind her to use please and thank you. For the first time ever I actually thought I might lose my ability to stay rational.

We went to dinner the first night with the Murphy's as well as my best friend, Marian, and her beau, Chris. Dylan was horrible. She refused to remain seated, kicked me, hit me and lost her shoes. I finally had to take her outside so I could talk to her. I thought she was going to be fine. Once we returned she was "lovingly" rubbing my back. I felt like I had won this round... but I was wrong! It turns out the entire time she was rubbing my back, she was actually smearing sour cream all over my shirt. My sweet little girl has turned demonic.

I called Mike and told him I needed parenting classes because I've obviously lost my way. I've turned into a screamer, too. I've forgotten to say please and thank you, too. Of course I blame my lack of good manners on the fact that I have to repeat myself 10 times before she actually does as asked. By the fifth time, I'm no longer using please and I'm no longer asking nicely. I'm screaming. (I'm afraid Hayden is going to learn to speak by screaming, too.) I've also started using consequences that I could never actually stick to. Like, "if you don't get dressed now I'm leaving you here." I'm not able to think clearly; maybe it has to do with lack of sleep. Hopefully I'll pull my parenting skills back together and MY Dylan will return from wherever she has gone. Pray for me, I could really use the extra help.

Double D's- Daring and Darling

2005-07-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, she is darling and so very daring. She'll try anything once, and maybe twice, especially if whatever she has done instills fear in the hearts of others. Being a parent to a true daredevil has shaved years off of my life while adding thousands of gray hairs to my head.

In my mind, adrenaline junkies were not born with these genes, but now I know different. My husband is incapable of doing things the way "normal" people do. He can master any sport in seconds and then has to change the limits to make it more fun. He jumps out of airplanes and does flips on his wakeboard. As I write of him, I'm reminded of one of his childhood school (1st or 2nd grade) photos taken of the entire class next to a jungle gym... but one kid is not in the group, he is at the top of the jungle gym waving with both arms, guess who?!?!

Our daughter has those same genes. At 17 months old, my parents gave her a tricycle. She rode on the seat for about 30 seconds, then she stood on the seat, then she stood on the seat with one foot. At three years old she loves roller coasters and begs me to drive faster. Climbing up and then jumping down from any surface is just a part of her day.

She scares me, infuriates me and makes me proud all at once. Going to the park is a practice in patience for me. I want her to be cautious but secretly love to watch her outperform the older kids. Where is the line between being outgoing and just plain crazy? I wish I knew. I question Dylan's ability to stay safe. I want her to grow and be happy without being stifled by an overly cautious mom. I struggle everyday with the balance of it. I don't want her to be afraid, just careful.

Note to self...

2005-07-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine has had an entertaining blog for the past couple of months that has inspired me to begin my own. I enjoy reading her daily ranting, ravings, curiosities and accomplishements. I feel "normal" when I read about her life because so much of it mirrors my own. There is a part of me that feels like a bit of a peeping tom because I know quite a bit about her life though her thoughts, but nontheless, I'm hooked.

My "note to self" for the past month has been to start my own blog to log my own life. Today is the day. My to do list is short and therefore I have no other excuse for not starting. Here it is, in all of its glory. Enjoy. I know I will.